It is said that Hinduism thrives and gets stronger as a religion / tradition by passing on a simple question ‘Who am I?’ from generation to generation. A quest for finding an answer to it is what makes people think and do more and realize the greater potential of the religion.
My question is not all that tough. I keep asking myself ‘What am I?’ Like it comes in the movie ‘Nayagan’, the question ‘Neenga Nallavara, kettavara?, pops up every now & then in my mind.
What makes me? Is it my habits that could be simply abhorable sometimes when seen from outside, or about what I do which also spans a fairly broad spectrum of emotional upheavals?
I act a bitter critic and cynic when it comes to people hobnobbing with God to get things they want, while I myself remain very pious in my mind. I am extremely friendly with the kids and have raucous fun at home, but scream my head off about their indiscipline. Guys who work with me sometimes revere me, but I have sacked my best friend from work. I have constant arguments with my spouse, but can’t wear proper socks if she is not around. I talk non-stop sometimes, but sit completely idle & silent when am with a group sometimes. Speak with friends sometimes as if world comes to end that day, but disappear sometimes from the face of earth according to them. I spend money without a care about tomorrow, but get extremely upset if I see something is wasted at home. I display extreme kindness to people sometimes, celebrate B’Day by spending for the kids at foster homes, but get very rude with waiters in restaurants. I am very humorous by nature and have the crowd in splits, but most times go serious in this ‘road to discovery’. I care a damn about rules and insist things happen my way always, but I don’t jump a red signal and contemplate carrying a fake gun to threaten motorists who do that.
I have many such anomalies in my behaviour. And that makes me think what am I!! Can I be defined in a pattern? Are my actions predictable? What do people make out of me at the end? Why do people pamper & indulge me? Am I what I am as a person or am I just the role I play at times that comes with some inherent powers?
Honestly I brush off these questions when they pop up. Not worth finding an answer to them according to me. If I did, I may become very conscious and screw up the very charm of what life is. Which is nothing but following the heart all the way.
My question is not all that tough. I keep asking myself ‘What am I?’ Like it comes in the movie ‘Nayagan’, the question ‘Neenga Nallavara, kettavara?, pops up every now & then in my mind.
What makes me? Is it my habits that could be simply abhorable sometimes when seen from outside, or about what I do which also spans a fairly broad spectrum of emotional upheavals?
I act a bitter critic and cynic when it comes to people hobnobbing with God to get things they want, while I myself remain very pious in my mind. I am extremely friendly with the kids and have raucous fun at home, but scream my head off about their indiscipline. Guys who work with me sometimes revere me, but I have sacked my best friend from work. I have constant arguments with my spouse, but can’t wear proper socks if she is not around. I talk non-stop sometimes, but sit completely idle & silent when am with a group sometimes. Speak with friends sometimes as if world comes to end that day, but disappear sometimes from the face of earth according to them. I spend money without a care about tomorrow, but get extremely upset if I see something is wasted at home. I display extreme kindness to people sometimes, celebrate B’Day by spending for the kids at foster homes, but get very rude with waiters in restaurants. I am very humorous by nature and have the crowd in splits, but most times go serious in this ‘road to discovery’. I care a damn about rules and insist things happen my way always, but I don’t jump a red signal and contemplate carrying a fake gun to threaten motorists who do that.
I have many such anomalies in my behaviour. And that makes me think what am I!! Can I be defined in a pattern? Are my actions predictable? What do people make out of me at the end? Why do people pamper & indulge me? Am I what I am as a person or am I just the role I play at times that comes with some inherent powers?
Honestly I brush off these questions when they pop up. Not worth finding an answer to them according to me. If I did, I may become very conscious and screw up the very charm of what life is. Which is nothing but following the heart all the way.
5 comments:
Super writing SM....really, when i read i realized how true all those absolute opposites of your behaviour are...
truly... what are you?? :P :)
Wish I knew !!! :P ;)
Seems like irrespective of the answer.. you quite enjoy being who you are, YOU approve of what you are. As long as one has this rare pleasure , who cares about what or who he is?
Hi
Your writings resurfaced my
own tamil hiku of 1980 from my memory
muranpadugalin thoguppennai
mutraai vunarndhavar yaar.
Beautiful. And so much of meaning in just four words. But how true it is !!!
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