Lately I had been pondering about Relationships and the futility of maintaining them or trying to. To just step back and think how many relationships I would have nurtured and where they stand now makes me think it is all futile.
Let me think …. As I had been growing there had been different people who had held sway at me at different times. First it was my sister and I maybe thought my life starts and ends with her. It was a time before friendships were formed with anyone. That died when she got married. She has been around still, living a couple of km away from me, but it has never been the same.
Then it was those guys at the colony we lived. Spent hours and hours together with them, prompting my father to ask what we were talking all the time (can’t really tell him, can I ??) For many of them, I have done the unthinkable. Surrogated as a brother in colleges, as lover in phones, as guides to someone, as villains to many, but there was a relationship going on and at that point of time, it was the most important thing in life. To an extent that I could lend a best shirt of me to a friend and after he tore it, I still didn’t kill him. I don’t know where these guys are now.
Then came the girls. One at an age, when I wasn’t even very sure about what I wanted with them!! To cultivate such relationships, have done the silliest of stuff like buying a second-hand book from one. To think of it now, it’s downright humorous. And to ask that book, how many days of preparation and standing in street corners to gather the courage. Wish there was something called SMS then, to just say what you want. At some point of time, one became a wife of my friend and another’s brother became a close friend of mine. I can bet my estate that I haven’t known for 20 years where all these guys are. The friends, sisters and wives!!!
Then was this other girl who told me that she was in love with someone else, the day I proposed to her. And I spent 2 full years of college at the cost of my grades trying a relationship. It happens, sometimes even faster than what you think. But, that brings another variable into play. In your mind, you predetermine what kind of relationship you want. So, while you prima facie accept the first one, constantly work on improving it. From friend to lover, lover to wife, and then wife to friend again!!!! And after 20 full years, I found her and I am lazy to even to reply to her mails now.
I almost grew up together with my cousin and I had huge pride in being a big brother for him( I am just 6 months older to him) We have been together as partners in all small crimes, from chasing a duck to killing butterflies. He went to BITS and that was it. I still call him on new years’ eve to catch up on the next day, but then after that it is one whole year till the eve again.
I always believed that relationships with men last longer and later realized that it dies when they get married. I don’t know how many I killed that way myself. Guys who stood steadfast at times of troubles, fed you when you were without a job, left their room at 7 in the morning to allow you to meet your girlfriend, all these guys are somewhere there now. I atleast hold their numbers now. Maybe a really drunken moment would still rekindle it and I will call.
There are many such acquaintances that matter too much to you at some point of time and later vanishes. There are however a few exceptions to it though. Depending on how it metamorphises during the course of the relationship. As you grow and the need changes, how the other one matches it, is what the success all about.
With some, you are stuck in a time warp, with some you are angry that they are stuck in a time warp. With some, you want to be talking always, with some you want them to stop calling (you suddenly get too tied up in work :)). With some, you start in a way and later realize that you after all wanted a different relationship and try too hard to mend it. With some, you want to be the only relationship; with some you wish they had someone else too. With some you want to be sharing every single second of what you do, with some you try in vain to hide those very seconds.
I guess there is absolutely no permanency in any relationship. Even in the ones in those you think you did well. Because their interests change!! My daughter is now keener in chatting with friends (mind you they are boys who will blog 20 years later), my wife’s best companion is Solitaire (this is the most ironical sentence I have ever written, worth a blog unto itself. Solitaire companion is a good oxymoron). My second daughter who is all of 4 yrs, with her TV! And I for them, with my blog, music, book, movies and TV…
Prompts me to think, which of those relationships I have kept for majority of the times. The names that come out are like Beatles, Sujatha, Ilayaraaja and a writing board. Sad that none of them ever speaks or can speak with me.
Let me think …. As I had been growing there had been different people who had held sway at me at different times. First it was my sister and I maybe thought my life starts and ends with her. It was a time before friendships were formed with anyone. That died when she got married. She has been around still, living a couple of km away from me, but it has never been the same.
Then it was those guys at the colony we lived. Spent hours and hours together with them, prompting my father to ask what we were talking all the time (can’t really tell him, can I ??) For many of them, I have done the unthinkable. Surrogated as a brother in colleges, as lover in phones, as guides to someone, as villains to many, but there was a relationship going on and at that point of time, it was the most important thing in life. To an extent that I could lend a best shirt of me to a friend and after he tore it, I still didn’t kill him. I don’t know where these guys are now.
Then came the girls. One at an age, when I wasn’t even very sure about what I wanted with them!! To cultivate such relationships, have done the silliest of stuff like buying a second-hand book from one. To think of it now, it’s downright humorous. And to ask that book, how many days of preparation and standing in street corners to gather the courage. Wish there was something called SMS then, to just say what you want. At some point of time, one became a wife of my friend and another’s brother became a close friend of mine. I can bet my estate that I haven’t known for 20 years where all these guys are. The friends, sisters and wives!!!
Then was this other girl who told me that she was in love with someone else, the day I proposed to her. And I spent 2 full years of college at the cost of my grades trying a relationship. It happens, sometimes even faster than what you think. But, that brings another variable into play. In your mind, you predetermine what kind of relationship you want. So, while you prima facie accept the first one, constantly work on improving it. From friend to lover, lover to wife, and then wife to friend again!!!! And after 20 full years, I found her and I am lazy to even to reply to her mails now.
I almost grew up together with my cousin and I had huge pride in being a big brother for him( I am just 6 months older to him) We have been together as partners in all small crimes, from chasing a duck to killing butterflies. He went to BITS and that was it. I still call him on new years’ eve to catch up on the next day, but then after that it is one whole year till the eve again.
I always believed that relationships with men last longer and later realized that it dies when they get married. I don’t know how many I killed that way myself. Guys who stood steadfast at times of troubles, fed you when you were without a job, left their room at 7 in the morning to allow you to meet your girlfriend, all these guys are somewhere there now. I atleast hold their numbers now. Maybe a really drunken moment would still rekindle it and I will call.
There are many such acquaintances that matter too much to you at some point of time and later vanishes. There are however a few exceptions to it though. Depending on how it metamorphises during the course of the relationship. As you grow and the need changes, how the other one matches it, is what the success all about.
With some, you are stuck in a time warp, with some you are angry that they are stuck in a time warp. With some, you want to be talking always, with some you want them to stop calling (you suddenly get too tied up in work :)). With some, you start in a way and later realize that you after all wanted a different relationship and try too hard to mend it. With some, you want to be the only relationship; with some you wish they had someone else too. With some you want to be sharing every single second of what you do, with some you try in vain to hide those very seconds.
I guess there is absolutely no permanency in any relationship. Even in the ones in those you think you did well. Because their interests change!! My daughter is now keener in chatting with friends (mind you they are boys who will blog 20 years later), my wife’s best companion is Solitaire (this is the most ironical sentence I have ever written, worth a blog unto itself. Solitaire companion is a good oxymoron). My second daughter who is all of 4 yrs, with her TV! And I for them, with my blog, music, book, movies and TV…
Prompts me to think, which of those relationships I have kept for majority of the times. The names that come out are like Beatles, Sujatha, Ilayaraaja and a writing board. Sad that none of them ever speaks or can speak with me.
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