Anger again

I don’t think I have met an angrier person than me. It appears to me that I am irreversibly addicted to indignation. Small things anger me, big things anger me and my anger itself angers me. I have many well-wishers who have time & again advised many remedies to it. Do meditation, start praying and a few cinematic ones like count from 1 to 10 (I need to then go on till 134367 or such number)

I am not suggesting that they are being flippant in advising me so. But one should understand anger as an emotion and the cause of such an emotion. There are no paintbrush solutions to anger management.

I get angry on two things

1. When people clearly know what is my reasonable expectation and ignore that
2. When people continue to rant on their point without importing the rationale I try to pass on

The other generic anger generation tools like Cab drivers calling 15 times before finding your house at 3.45 am, vendors not willing to find solutions for an impasse, service centers throwing a rule book at you without understanding only aggrieved customers call a service center, are completely out of one’s control.

Anger emanating from our perception of unfairness dealt out to us has a bias to it and hence disqualifies itself as a righteous source. Anger that has its genesis in social injustices and our impotence to deal with it, well the adjective says it all. We can’t rage about something if we don’t want to attempt changing it. People do that and sometimes it becomes a movement. The recent Delhi elections are an example of that. Stress, lifestyle, life experience and our own outlook of life are all possible sources of anger, but it is squarely on us.

So going back to the 2 points I outlined has its origins in this statement “The relationship we have with someone who makes us angry and our interpretation of their intent”. Typically then it boils down to just this. Relationships!! We became extremely angry only in such situations that involves a person with whom we are in a relationship and our disappointment about such a person doesn't understand either you or do not make their intent clear, by doing the two things I have mentioned above.

Aristotle said “Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy”

Here I am doing a very tough job and all I get is advice… J

OK, now I can be advised…. 

Pericope Adulterae

It has been bugging me for a week now! This collective fascination about pornography we have as a tribe in Tamizh Nadu! This is not to mean that I am a cut above the rest; just that I don’t want it to be aired on TV and discussed amongst everyone secretly envying Nithyananda. The man has some cheek and he was playing it right in front of our eyes. He anyway calls himself as Nithyananda and has found the way for everyday bliss, only that we were looking up the skies for God to deliver that to us!

I am surprised that educated people fall for such con artists. One may get into some pop psychology and blame the fast paced life that we have and our penchant for instant gratification in a fast-food world. But why such Godmen?! One should look at Swami Parthasarathy, well into his 80’s still having a good game of cricket and with same equanimity talk for 10 days on a single chapter of Bhagvad Gita.

I read somewhere this morning that wherever you go , you are only taught Yoga, Meditation and Breathing exercises, but why this fascination for branding within that beats me! If I ever get motivated to learn these 3 disciplines, the first thing I am going to do is become a Swamiji like this! Solid job it seems to be! Money, Women, Fame and Blind devotion; even Mukesh Ambani cant dream all this together!

Jokes apart, I am fuming at the flagrant violation of individual rights in this country and no one seems to be worried about it, because everyone on their own right plays moral police. It is one thing that someone wanted to expose a fake Swami but who gives them right to malign a woman. What crime did she commit? She just seemed to have slept with a man whom she liked and since when it is a crime? And if someone was to make a statement like Jesus Christ did, when he asked people who haven’t committed any sin to stone the girl, where will we keep our face? Who amongst us are sinless that we can condemn such things?

And to think that the whole state including the Ministers drool at the site of an actress, yet have no great opinion on them when it comes to morality is a shame. We seemed to think that any actress will sleep with anyone. Even if they did so what is our issue about it? Shall I tell you? Our issue is that she is not sleeping with us! It is a display on one of the seven sins from our side. Envy, that’s what it is! If the lady with the Swami was someone lesser known, there would not have been such a voyeurism and much of a commercial gain too. So what will you call a TV channel that airs soft porn featuring two known personalities for the sake of money? For me that is what prostitution is!

And such thoughts and people are so marginalized that barring one journalist no one condemned this ugly act of exposing the woman too, not supported her to stand up for her rights. And that is not even from the circle of her friends who are supposed to be the elite of Tamizh filmdom!

Looks like there is only one rule that governs life! And that is ‘If you get caught, you get dropped’. And till you don’t, I will look at getting my share of the pie. I only wish Ranjeetha stood up and sued these guys!

Open letter to the PM

Sir, you did it! The same empty rhetoric! “We will not bow down to terror”! Fantastic respected Sir. But, may we know which country you are talking about? If it’s India, then you are afflicted with some deep hallucination. The terrorists haven’t bothered about whether you will bend or not. They have already bent you at the waist and having an orgy at your backside. Maybe you can charge them under Section 377 of IPC. If you are not aware what the section stands for ( as you are hallucinating anyway ), it is against sodomy. ( afterall you and your party want less stringent laws against terror )

You and cronies should be hanging yourselves by the neck if you have any shame at all. But then why would you have shame? You look like a puppet in the TV screen and on most times, I have to pinch myself to believe that you are a human ( not humane anyway, that we know, with the blood of so many Indian citizens in your hand ). For God sake, next time you appear on TV, do two things. One, move other parts of your body apart from the lips ( despite the fact you may be agonizing in pain at your posterior extreme ) and two, don’t use the teleprompter. Make some effort atleast to say it straight from the heart. Don’t read out reassuring messages to us. We are anyway much better equipped to handle grief and anger without your help.

Are you really serious about terrorism? If you have proof about foreign involvement, why are you not crying hoarse? Did someone promise you a ‘Best Diplomat’ award or what? If underworld is involved, why are you not making a demand on Pakistan to extradite Dawood? That’s the least you can do to add some bravery element to your stupid empty speech?! Why are you not unleashing fury at POK? Are you scared about the reaction of Pakistan and their nukes? Or is it that, you are suddenly concerned about our lives? If the second thought is true, Sir, please don’t worry about us. We are braver than you and we prefer getting nuked to getting shot by one bit, two bit terrorists.

Your inaction and weak knees have sacrificed many of our fellow citizens’ lives and some of the finest officers. If you need some inspiration to act firmly, shall I advise you to watch some TV? See what’s happening out there. The bravest of our men, getting airdropped and taking bullets for your cowardice!

Don’t you really think that you should have stayed with academics? Maybe write a paper on the Economic Impact of Terrorism than trying to deal with it? Why your cabinet committee meeting? Why not an all-party meeting? Why not ask Modi on how he managed to defuse bombs at Surat instead of giving speeches and announcing solatium?

The least you can do now, is to shut yourself at 7, Racecourse road. We don’t want the additional task of saving you and given our mood, we may forget that we have to.

Petrol, Oh no it burns!!

There we go again. Petrol cost is up by 10% or Rs 5/- per litre. While I was at Dubai, on academic interest, I asked my colleague how much petrol costs there. And to my surprise he said, he doesn’t know and he drives one behemoth of a SUV. He nonchalantly said ‘I just fill the tank every time; I really don’t see how much a litre costs’. That would probably rank as a statement of highest order ever made that had made by stomach burn out of jealousy. Then I found out that it costs the equivalent of about Rs 16/-. And today’s news fuels the fire and some smartass has also made a slideshow in one of the portals on how much petrol costs where. And in Venezuela, it is apparently the equivalent of Rs 2.25/- per liter. Who said Petrol is highly combustible? Should only garland that person; so much is my irritation!

I can recall that when I first had some form of a fuel driven vehicle with me, the petrol cost was around Rs 6/- per litre and by the time the moped was delivered to me, it went up by a couple of bucks. Folks were teasing me about my luck even then. And in just another 3 years, the first Gulf war happened and the government in all earnestness introduced a ‘gulf component’ in the price and promised to roll it back after the war ended. The war actually brought down the International Oil Prices down, but the Indian Govt that had a administered price mechanism, retained the cost going back on its promise. After all the noise is only when the price goes up and when the people get used to it, there are no big repercussions for the government.

From there till today, the price in India has gone up 7 times and so are the international crude oil prices. In fact they have gone up even higher, so there is no use in really blaming the government now. There is only so much a Govt can subsidize. And as we keep drawing more & more of the natural reserves, we will only find the going tougher and tougher. I used to have a pet theory that there is always a balance that will be created by God at all times, so as the fuel costs go up and travel happens only on necessity, the cost of bandwidth will keep coming down and all of us have videoconferencing and other such communication facilities, without having to venture out of home. But, it is just a fantasy. Maybe in another 50 years we may be forced to eke out a living like that.

I made a quick calculation on seeing whether the standard of life has improved for me and should I qualify myself as a successful person if lifestyle is any yardstick for that. In 1990 when petrol cost 8 bucks, I had a bike that gave me 62 kmpl, so the cost of my travel per km was 12 paisa. Now at 56 bucks and a big car, I spend 7 bucks on traveling per km. 54 times more than what it used to cost me then. Has the salary gone up by 54 times? Sorry, post tax it is less than 54 times. So, in a way my salary increases have managed to beat inflation and keep me at the same level as 1990. This comparison can be made most of the commodities, though not in the same scale. It is a kind of treadmill effect that one has to keep running to remain at the same place!

Now, we will see a domino’s effect everywhere. This evening when I have to pick the rickshaw, the cost would have already gone up, so would the essentials because of transportation and mercifully it is the start of the FY when a hike is due to meet these costs. And the dreams that you wanted to pursue last year, get a long lease of life as they would still remain a dream.

So what has civilization and advancement done to us? Nano is now going to flood the streets taking a toll on the infrastructure and the fuel demand. The city officials keep introducing more one way streets, more traffic jams and thus more fuel burning. And we bring down the ozone layer along with this. And we will wage billion dollar wars for oil !

Sometimes, we look like barbarians. But if cavemen could read, they will kill me for this comparison!

Anger

Oxford dictionary defines anger as ‘a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility’ and the synonyms for the word are acrimony, animosity, annoyance, antagonism, blood of a bitch, blow up, cat fit, chagrin, choler, conniption, dander, disapprobation, displeasure, distemper, enmity, exasperation, fury, gall, hatred, huff, ill humor, ill temper, impatience, indignation, infuriation, irascibility, ire, irritability, irritation, mad, miff, outrage, passion, peevishness, pet, petulance, pique, rage, rankling, resentment, slow burn, sore, stew, storm, tantrum, temper, tiff, umbrage, vexation, violence.

My guess is that currently I have all the synonyms put together. I am in such a rage. If the one word ‘rage’ can explain my state of feeling! And worse is that I don’t know why am I angry and what I am angry at! At this precise moment, I think there is nothing good that happens on earth. Or atleast I am not around in the place where good happens! And I am sick and tired of cheating myself looking at all the positives and give myself lollipops to restrain myself from screaming my guts out.

Maybe there is one trigger that makes me angry at everything I come across, but I am yet to find that trigger. Whatever I come across, there is imperfection that hits me straight in my face. At workplace, sometimes I feel I am in kindergarten class, looking at guys with thick moustaches complaining about the pinching of the guy next, or they go around pinching everyone. Some of them religiously leave behind their brains and get very uncomfortable if I carry mine around with me. My driver instead of waiting on my daughter in her class takes my car that gives lesser mileage than a space shuttle to see his mother. Whatever money I seemed to earn seems to vanish in thin air. All friends who call have a sob story to tell. There are assholes who seem to happily live in earth with no attempt whatsoever to be fair and get their way with absolute meanness and selfishness. The first word anyone seems to speak is a lie. The house seems to be a direct descendant of Augean stables and I am in search of a Hercules. Small good things that happen are often succeeded by awful stuff. All the books that I read seem to have the same message and however hard I try to play the guitar it sounds unpalatably the same. People seem to be dying like it is World War II. This list can keep going on. But I feel depressed if I read it myself.

And there is copious amount of advice on how I should be looking at the world and replace such thoughts with positive ones. There is someone who tells me that I breathe in a particular fashion, I am going to feel on the top of the world. And since then, breathing has become one more task that I do. If I dig deep or think silently, I may draw up my reserves and create a list of good things also. But then it is an effort. I don’t know why it should be one.

More than anything else, if all of us are going to sit and think the positive ones, ignoring the ugly ones, who will teach the bad guys a lesson? Isn’t it time that you simply stand up and go give a few whacks to everyone who pollutes the earth with their behavior?

I really want to. But whenever I think so, two beautiful faces flash across my mind and I stop myself from doing something crazy. As long as these daughters of mine move around the house like a pantomime, guess I am going to be in control.

Death be Damned

It has been a season of deaths. Sometimes it happens that way. 4 years back, I had to contend with deaths of close ones back to back. As if it happened by clockwork precision. It was my closest friend & colleague in January and my ex boss the next month and my dog ( which I hate to call so, but calling it first daughter in this context is so very painful ) in March.

Now it kind of repeats! It started off with Sujatha. And now on a single day Raghuvaran and Arthur C Clarke! The first one was apparently 60. Who knew that? For me when I was 22, he appeared as if he was my contemporary. Much like Shah Rukh ( with whom he even shared a resemblance & of course with Benecio Del Toro ) he started in an amazing TV serial and all of us went around shaving our moustache trying to look like him and ended looking like monkeys. Later he understood Tamizh cinema so very well that he gave necessary doses of overacting in popular movies and went along silently with awesome performances in real good movies. He was in constant search of something starting from liquor, drugs, great love, guitar, divorce and at last spirituality. Just as I was thinking he made it somehow, he just walked off into death.

Arthur C Clarke was another guy! He created that interest in me for sci-fi unlike the others in the world who swore by Asimov. And later moved over to explore the sea, when he candidly realized that there is 3/4th of earth that is still unexplored and he had no business imagining about space. But his story about the notice to destroy Earth by superior aliens to build an inter-galactic highway smartly juxtaposed with our officials doing the same thing for constructing a flyover lives in my heart.

Certain guys really don’t die. They just cease to exist for you to believe that they did.

My homage to these two great entertainers is an ode that follows.


It has this uncanny knack
Of hitting you with shock

Long hands that can reach anywhere
Pauper or king you go nowhere

Makes you think how much you miss
Just when you are sunk in bliss

You dismiss it as no big deal
But bites you with astonishing zeal

You never sit and think about it
But it’s never far, this exit

You think you are racing ahead
Isn’t it always to meet it head to head?

It’s all pervading and powerful
But haven’t it always been sleightful?

Death let it be damned to hell
You just want to yell

When it takes away loved ones
Letting you grieve in tons

Buffalo Soldier

Very recently saw the movie ‘Malcolm X’. I would say it is one of the brilliant portrayals ever done by an actor. Denzel was way too good as Malcolm X. The movie has been adapted from the book ‘The Autobiography of Malcolm X’ which was co-authored by Alex Haley.

Alex Haley later went on to become popular with his book ‘Roots’, which on hindsight I am wondering why I didn’t include in my recurrent reads. Maybe because I haven’t read it a lot of times! A couple of time maximum I guess. But it rates as one of the best I have ever read.

Starting in 1700’s with the forced abduction of a black man from Africa, it spanned 2 centuries and ended up with the author, whose roots he claimed to have traced back to. The 1700 slave ‘Kunta Kinte’ was his ancestor.

Malcolm X, Amistad and this book are fantastic productions that highlight the misery of black people. To think that the most democratic nation, most developed nation was built on slave labor is extremely unpalatable. Today America stands for freedom and wherever they see oppression, they are the first to poke their nose into. But in 19th century, a black was considered as only 3/5th of a person and women were given the right to vote only in 1920.

America has been a breeding ground for double standards all through its existence. While the Americans were busy fighting Hitler, the Ku Klux Klan was very much active with it’s anti Semitic propaganda. While it was advising South Africa, America’s own citizens were segregated economically, physically and socially. There are many African Americans who still believe that they get a raw deal. We are now taking about a possibility of a woman or a colored President there, while a much smaller country like Sri Lanka was headed by a woman much earlier. Their treatment of coloreds had been worse than many of the autocratic regimes which they oppose. A Rodney King can still happen only there. I read a book which statistically proved that there are more blacks who lost their lives fighting for America. Be it a war or a sport!

As Bob Marley sang,

Stolen from Africa, brought to America,
Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival.

It is such a pity that many of them would not know where they came from. In a way it is cultural rapes to let generations of people lose their identity. Like they say, behind every success there are a lot of corpses.

Brain Again

There is something strange about the organ brain. As it is about the other organs, everyone has one. Or atleast seem to have one! But we have never complained about anyone that their breathing is crazy, walking is stupid and so on. Somehow these organs, the essential ones at that like heart, lungs, kidney etc function equally for all people. Brain alone is a standout. I can understand that if people are born differently, like some one at birth has only half a kg of brain as against 1.5kg everyone else has. But it is not so, the brain weight has always been in correct proportions in everybody.

The problem arises when they start using it. I have a fancy theory that it depends on where the brain is situated in the body. Though physically it is always under the skull, the way it functions is dependent on where it’s heart lies ( brain’s heart I meant, some stupid kind of a metaphorical statement ).

For some brain is housed in their jockey shorts. They can think nothing else but getting into the pants of others. For some it is housed inside some safe vault in the body that we don’t know about, because they never use the brain and keep it super safe. For some the brain understands only numbers, all they think is money and anything is associated with money and money only. Even their own self respect! Some people seem to have developed it well in the formative years and exhaust it when they pass out of great institutions. They walk into huge corporations and offer value added bullshit.

Some have it removable. They promptly remove it when they start from home, act stupid all the while when they are out and return to re-fix it. For some it floats in a sea of tears, they cry first and think next. For some there is an inherent fear of exhausting it, thus they never use it once and save it for a rainy day. For some it suffers from a delusion of multiplier effect. Even little thing they do, they believe it is a great thing. Some senior management people have it pretty easy. They train the brain to just say yes. One day in a meeting if I mimic the Boss’s voice and say ‘I don’t think you have brains’, they will promptly say yes.

For me I guess I have it clouded by anger. First I get angry and then start thinking. And then get angry again after building some logic. Or it is more spent on tolerating other brainless creatures. And it is already running out of space with storage of junk information that an immediate disk cleanup is warranted.

I am going to have it surgically removed and just survive with Google only!!!

Armpits in Advertisements

Sometimes I wonder what these ad guys are up to!!! I saw plenty of hoardings advertising Deccan Chronicle. It showed a lithesome girl with hands lifted up, displaying her armpits. And the caption was ‘Don’t Compromise’. Of course the first two letters of the caption ‘DC’ stood for Deccan Chronicle and there were highlighted. Now tell me what this ad means? What has it got to the newspaper? And what are they asking us not to compromise? Compromising on losing opportunities to see armpits?! Where is the connection? We want to use the female body form for promoting anything and everything, starting from water pumps to pan masala.

While this is a vulgar strategy for getting eyeballs at the advertisements, the endorsement ads are even funnier. Once Sunil Gavaskar endorsed Niki Tasha kitchen range! What has he got to do with that? He was cooking centuries and not curries! But they paid him to endorse the brand which he never uses in his lifetime.

Now there is a new fad. Celebrity appearances! In a recent function at Mumbai where a deal was signed between two businesses, SRK graced the occasion and he was paid one crore for that! Beats my imagination! Why on earth, he would be there and why he has to be paid for that?

For every good commercial there are 10 silly ones. Some of them socially irresponsible too! Like the Pepsi where they used a tea boy when child labor is a crime in the country. Mercifully someone filed a PIL and they withdrew the ad. There was a time you went to saloons for seeing some pictures with cleavage, a confirmed male preserve and domain. But now, they are everywhere, even promoting the toor dhal that you use everyday.

If things don’t change much in the ensuing days, I also should start considering about displaying some deep valleys in my blog for better readership!!!

Irreverence

Have always been thinking that how much people listen to you is directly proportional to how irreverent you are about issues. I guess it is a vicarious pleasure. There are things that you want to do and want to say, but something stops you from saying that and when someone else does that, you either feel happy about the fact that your thoughts have been echoed or the fact that someone at last gets to say what you always wanted to say.

It is mainly because we are too strait-laced to speak out our mind. I read somewhere that no one ever says that a new born infant looks like a monkey. In fact many of them look so. It is only after a week or two they have some features that get prominent differentiating it from a monkey. But all of us say the baby looks cute. No I am not saying that you tell the parents that their new born looks like a monkey. You don’t even confess that to your partner. Really funny!

There are always two things that are expressed. First is what your mind tells you and the next is what the social compulsions make your tongue to say. Few years back, when I was referring about a girl at office to one of my friends, he acted as if he has heard the name for the first time. In fact that lady is cynosure of many eyes at office and I was surprised that he hasn’t noticed her so far. And then told myself, maybe I am afflicted with a chronic disease of getting to know about all good looking women. Later I learnt that when he had a chance to speak with that girl, he had some 3 years of common history to share and lot many common friends. This guy had known about her all along, but simply feigned ignorance. Now tell me, why on earth you would act like that?

That brings up the point of this blog. Saying something honest has become irreverence. When I keep telling what strikes my mind and am pretty sure that it is the same way majority population of the earth would feel, I say that. And I become an irreverent speaker while everyone squirms in their seat when they hear but imagine themselves saying it. Kamal Haasan tells this dialogue in a movie ‘I think it is better to study and go to an exam than visiting a temple and attending the exam’. Absolutely true! No one stops from going to the temple, but then you should first study. Now people think it is an atheist statement. God is an examiner, yes! But not for your answer papers in a 10th standard board exam!

So, I was rather surprised when I listened to another dialogue from the movie ‘Man of the Year’, when Jack Menken says this to Tom Dobbs “Everyone's going to be writing about how honest you are and how straightforward. I just hope your honesty doesn't undercut your irreverence”.

Actually it is the other way round. Honesty never undercuts irreverence, it accentuates that. If you are honest, you tell what you feel and that invariably becomes an irreverent statement. Because half the world is made up of liars.

Honest Rascals

One of the biggest problems with men seems to be the constant efforts that they take to woo women. Irrespective of their age and the women’s age! I am not generalizing here. I am very very certain about what I say. Kushwant Singh cites one of the three most obnoxious habits of Indian men is ‘name dropping’. He talks more about people who peddle favors by dropping names. And I include name dropping of a different kind.

I have seen many an intelligent man, who has a wide spectrum of knowledge. Be it music, literature, theater, history, sarcastic wit, academics, gift of the gab, writing, you name it, they are there. But the biggest issue is that you will never get to know it if you are a male yourself. All these are reserved skills and knowledge. Applicable only if your anatomy is different from theirs. Highly respectable otherwise, they would not waste a chance to display their array of awareness, and you get lucky only if you don’t mind wearing a sari.

What is it with these men? In fact when I listed out the knowledge set, I was wondering I may qualify too. But despite my self-deprecating writing tendency and a penchant for flirting, I am unable to include myself in that list. I have never once used Somerset Maugham to get me a female listener. Of course I have ended up discussing a few of these names, but that’s when I realized that they do share the passion on specific areas of my interest. And it makes a good conversation. And obviously I don’t dig more of Maugham the next day and keep asking them whether they read this book or that book. I may have even ended up trading books, but never once called to find out whether they read that and what they liked about it.

But this breed is different. Maybe they read the dictionary for a pastime and choose 10 words for the day and then create situations that will warrant usage of these words. I had this friend of mine who carried a Financial Management book when he came home for a coffee. That joker could have left it in the car. His idea was to make me know that he reads that book. Now that is something. Firstly I am not a female. Second, I would probably laugh at people who read a FM book even if the next day is a semester exam. You don’t read such books!

That clown was an exception. Maybe he had some aspiration desires and he tried to impress me with that book. But the clan that I talk about will never display this intelligence anywhere else, but if a chance occurs they will pound the females, non stop with their awareness levels. I probably want to call them Googlies. Quite an apt name, guys who would Google any information on earth just to parade their gray cells and the intentions anyway is the wrong way. I feel it is an insult to do this intellectual strip tease. Maybe they would not mind doing the real one if they pack six-pack abs. For them, they should be seen. But why not show everyone yaar?! Why reserve it only for the other gender? Do you think that men don’t deserve such honor? Or, are you afraid that you will have to endure the spectacle of an intellectual strip tease in return?

And who tells them that this is what woos women? I have heard of guys who will see palms and palm themselves off in the bargain. Should be world’s oldest trick as a dialogue opener I guess. I am certain that the women who are subjected to this are having a hearty laugh themselves and maybe compare notes. “Hey did that joker come to you and tell that you sing like Lata Mangeshkar”. And they know there are atleast a million Lata’s in the office space, if they happen to croon and look good also.

My friends luckily are the ones who don’t even get inspired by my beer drinking prowess. If I manage to adopt such techniques, they will straight tell me ‘Moodu’( meaning ‘close’, but in a very derogatory tone ). And the ones who really think I am intelligent are the ones who are intelligent themselves, so they can see through it, if it is a part of a mating dance. So, I don’t attempt such daredevilry. More often than not, it pays to tell what runs in your mind, rather than enlisting the services of Gabriel García Márquez's ‘One Hundred Years of Solitude’. Primarily because I haven’t read that book! And the ones that I read like Penthouse Letters are not quotable even if it is a wild woman. And after all this, any which way I am accused of being a scene stealer. One thing I always did was, I kept these tools and flirting separated. Never had followed up the next day on what was an ice-breaker the previous day. I thought long and hard whether it was a unique strategy employed by me, but at the end of it gave myself the benefit of doubt. Whatever I did was an adult transaction and that I think is an honest behavior.

The ‘forward kings’ (because they first forward the mails they receive to a set of girls and then only read it themselves) are actually backward in nature. So I would rather wait and get those forward’s from the very same girls. These are very adolescent characteristics. Amateur psychology, Amateur astrology, Listening to English songs for the heck of it and parading those are all samples of such traits! If one is carrying these well into their adulthood, one would make a fool of himself.

And the worst insult is that women don’t even attempt such stuff. They are supremely confident that any which way we will do all the hard work, or they simply think that men aren’t worth the effort. And we constantly prove them right! Or, they think that all these attempts are not needed because, as I read somewhere men think with some other apparatus other than brain. Shame on you Brother!

I may sound patronizing and also appear painting myself as above all these, which I am not. As a fellow member of the clan, I have one piece of advice for you. Look for the new John Miller advertisement. There is enough space in this earth for Good Looking Rascals. Maybe I will change it a wee bit. There is space for Honest Rascals.

Be one!

To be or Not to be

A Shakespearean quote would be the apt beginning for this piece. This is not got anything to do with the dilemma of Hamlet of whether to live or die. Or what could death bring as against the known miseries of life. Though maybe something equivalent! Has the same intensity and trouble in deciding. It is about to be or not to be in marriage!

Diwali eve brought a friend home. I invited him because he was alone at his place ( wouldn’t call it a home ) brooding over his loneliness with only rum to accompany him. I have known him for many years now and he along with his wife made awesome company to us in the early days. They met in college, promptly fell in love and married against the wishes of their folks. But they were a cool couple, with her competing with me in drowning bottles of beer and laughing loud. He is a pretty sedate guy, but has a great sense of humor. They had seen their share of trouble and had come out of it and have a lovely daughter as proof.

And then suddenly things went sour. No one knows why! She simply turned crazy. Skirmishes turned to violent fights. Somehow there was always an artificial high, buying of property, changing cities, promotion in jobs that kept the marriage going. And then the bubble burst. They started living in the same house but used different bedrooms, with a daughter caught in between. While, this arrangement was going smooth for a while, at some point of time, even that got collapsed when she started telling her daughter things unmentionable even in my standards of audacity & transparency. And that was it for him. He moved out of the house and found himself a place. It was definitely not one sided as I write it to be, as we were friends for both of them and counseled both of them on various occasions. Used to take both their versions with a pinch of salt, but what made me think in his favor was what she was poisoning the kid’s mind.

This guy was all sad when he called, because his daughter was not visiting him for Diwali, because her mother is planning to take her to a friend’s house. While we were talking this stuff, a call landed in his phone and it was his daughter. He was being escorted by an uncle to whom she was dumped to for Diwali by her mother. That was a shocker. She didn’t allow the kid to visit the Dad and neither was she willing to celebrate it with her, but palmed the kid off to someone completely unimportant. And the daughter wanted to see the dad. It is a different story that she made it to our place and we had huge fun for about 30 minutes. But she made me cry when she left. A kid all of 10 years, being poisoned by mom, with huge love for dad and wanting to be with him, but had to lie to her mother about seeing him and go to some corner of the city to celebrate Diwali with neither of the parents, with them being alone to themselves. How cruel it can become?

I have had my share of friends who wanted to separate; somehow to all of them I have advised patience and asked them to work it out. There was one girl, who already was living alone, but I persuaded her to go back and the next time I heard of her, she was heavily pregnant. With these guys also I made that attempt. Not because I am against divorce, but something tells you in your mind that there would still be something left to be tried. And it comes from what you know of the couple, their stubbornness, their love to each other, and their willingness to compromise on beliefs for the other. When I realized that part about my friend’s wife, I asked him to quit for his own goodness. We knew about the kid, we anticipated this shit, but still there was only a limit someone can take. Another friend of mine, when it was getting a little bit too much for her that included abuse, simply went to office one day and never went back home. And what kind of ordeal it would have been for her, to take a decision of leaving a 7 year old son, who is now at college but she hasn’t seen him again. Another friend of mine has been visiting the court for almost 10 years now, because the divorce is not by mutual consent. That joker of a husband of hers, who ensured that she went through sufficient abuse, claims that he wants to live with her. Maybe he thinks the abuse is not still sufficient.

There is this that ‘Tipping Point’ when people decide enough is enough. And I think that happens when they don’t see any future in the relationship. It cannot run on past glories or what the society prescribes. For many of them, it is the stigma associated with the act of divorce. Especially women, but my friends had been bolder in that context. They knew that it is not the society that sleeps in the other half of the bed. It is them with that demon and they better handle it themselves, rather than wallowing in misery inside, but put up a brave front and a fantastic show for the society. After all, the society would not be there when you want them. At its convenience, it becomes too decent. Non-interfering and it may include your own folks. It is your decision and you need to take it. And the only thing that matters is that whether you look forward to peaceful time with the partner for the rest of your lives, if not and you are sure that it is going to be terrible, if you don’t quit it will be a mighty waste. And surprisingly, we don’t feel accountable for our own happiness; we somehow think that it is martyrdom that is fashionable. We feel that giving into one’s own pleasure is crime and we always have to think about the rest. BS it is. Maybe if you really feel that way, atleast you should start feeling accountable for you own sadness. Don’t pursue happiness, but atleast ensure that you aren’t sad.

I was listening to a very wise man in TV this morning. A college professor who talked so very beautifully about Hinduism, Manusmriti & Samskaras specifically! Only when you hear and understand what the religion has prescribed, you will come out of the shallowness that we all seem to have presumed as intelligence. The Veda’s were oral forms earlier. They are believed to be Anaadhi ( without beginning ) and they always existed as sound waves in the Universe and our great ancestors had the power to make meaning out of those vibrations. The flip side to that was, it was passed from person to person and we don’t know which interpretation is right. This morning the Professor said that Divorce was allowed as per Vedas and he listed out a few reasons on what constitutes the ground for divorce. But when I hunt the Net, all mention on this subject is lopsided. They claim that women can’t divorce, but men can. And in the same breath there is also some supreme glorification about women’s role in a household. Even the Prof was telling how in Brahmin rituals we have the lady of the house standing behind the man and touches his shoulders through a Dharpam, because a wife is called Sahadharmini and that means she is a part of your dharma and you fulfill your destiny only through that partnership.

Anyway, the more you try to seek solutions from outside, the more you get confused. To my friend, if I had talked about Manusmriti when this crazy woman of him was sending anonymous letters to the tax guys about frauds in her husbands business, he would have bashed me up transferring all the anger he had on her against me.

I am convinced the laws of the society are just roadmaps for life. If you are sure, where you want to go, why the hell you need maps for!!!

Apocalypto

’Apocalypto’ as a movie triggers a lot of thoughts in your mind. The tag line for the movie is ‘When the end comes, not everyone is ready is go’ and the quote with which the film begins ‘A great civilization is not conquered from without until it is destroyed from within’ tells the story themself.

It is about the declining period of Mayan civilization and one man’s fight to escape from the sacrificial altar. Powerfully captured in the visual sense, the language is which the movie is dubbed gives tremendous scope to see the movie more visually than anything else, suspending the viewer from reality to quote Mel Gibson. Learnt later that the language is Yucatec Maya language! He has been absolutely right, because I have never watched so many pairs of intense eyes in a single movie.

Sometimes a movie can leave such a tremendous impact that it keeps running in your mind even after it really ends. At first I thought that tag line may well be apt for describing the movie itself. You don’t want to go, when the movie comes to an end. Very few directors have the art of making the viewers empathize with a movie completely. A feeling that you belong there and you are watching a story unfold in front of your eyes! Mel Gibson is one such guy. Be it the ‘Braveheart’ or the ‘Passion of Christ’, Gibson transports you to another world altogether. His penchant for perfection is very apparent in the construction of each scene.

Apocalypto is no different in that aspect. It is shot in such a way that you feel that you could smell the wetness of the soil and the fear of the people. A simple storyline of abduction & escape can never get more thrilling. The movie just draws you to the edge of the seat in the 10th minute and keeps you there for another 2 and a half hour’s.

There is a lot of gore and violence but somehow, as a viewer you tend to accept it, maybe because the story is set about 1200 years back and having been doled out a lot of senseless violence in contemporary movies, you somehow think it is perfectly OK for the men of that age to behave that way.

I kept thinking that though centuries have gone by, some fundamental human traits have never changed. The blind beliefs about God and our rituals to please Him, the fight for supremacy, the strong subduing the weak, the family ties, the loyalty to clan, the senseless behavior towards tribes that are not yours, civilization and barbarism coexisting and the scant respect of human lives, nothing has changed in 1500 years.

The Maya civilization is a Mesoamerican civilization, noted for the only known fully developed written language of the pre-Columbian Americas, as well as its spectacular art, monumental architecture, and sophisticated mathematical and astronomical systems. At its peak, it was one of the most densely populated and culturally dynamic societies in the world. And yet, there are behaviors that are completely incongruent to what civilization is defined for.

Now after a millennium, we are far more advanced but hold on to the same traits. So fundamentally nothing changes in such a short period. I had always maintained that whatever changes that is required in many touchy areas like female emancipation etc, the change can only be evolutionary and not something that can be achieved in a few years. Traditional men remain traditional.

Though I see plenty of movies, reviews or mention about them in my blogs have been rare & few. Unless I am really touched by the story, narration and the performance of the actors and the packaging of the movie as a whole!

Apocalypto fits the bill, perfectly.

Peculiar Men

Every one in the world has some idiosyncrasies. No two persons are alike and it also robs the charm of life if we are all prototypes. But there is something that we assume as basic traits and we have drawn a code that human beings live this way.

But, once in a while I come across really peculiar people. And I get reminded of the Simon & Garfunkel song ‘A Most Peculiar Man’. The song goes like this.


He was a most peculiar man.
That’s what Mrs. Riordan said and she should know;
She lived upstairs from him
She said he was a most peculiar man.

He was a most peculiar man.
He lived all alone within a house,
Within a room, within himself,
A most peculiar man.


He had no friends, he seldom spoke
And no one in turn ever spoke to him,
cause he wasn’t friendly and he didn’t care
And he wasn’t like them.
Oh, no! He was a most peculiar man.

I have deliberately omitted the last stanza as of now.

But I am surprised about such type of men. Complete misanthropes. Living in a world of their own! No, they are not autistic. I have seen many a child that is autistic and to a great extent I understand their behavior. These men I talk about are perfect guys holding senior positions in good organizations, have a great family, but their world is the one where only they belong.

They don’t worry about what’s happening in their partner’s life. Maybe they would have the best person as a partner, but he would care a damn about it. After all he would be worried about a small incident that happened at office in the past and call up home to warn that he is in a terrible mood, so it’s better that no one comes across him when he return, lest he loses his cool. As if he ever was cool!!

Would live a few blocks away from relatives, but never once would visit them or encourage them visiting his home. Would never attend any social gathering and if at all it something is social about them, it would be hanging out to have a drink with their cronies. And then the drinks will help them draw further into their own world, unless there is a deliberate intent of wallowing more into misery, so that the rest are concerned about them.

Would have habits like not eating in any friends’ or relatives’ place (hotels are ok ) and would have the temerity to order for food from the friends' home, in the rare occasions of visiting a friend. No, they are not austere either. Money does mean a lot to them. Would always be thinking and worrying about how to make more money. But it will be extremely difficult in a world of fools according to them. Pretty ironical I would say. Their world is just them and a world of fools for them would be a tacit admission of them being a fool.

They would be embodiment of chauvinistic male traits because they anyway don’t respect human beings and women are lesser human beings for traditional men like them. For them, it is a question of how no one understands them in this imperfect world. Would have no interests in arts and music should probably sound like bats screaming in the night ( maybe there is something wrong with their ears, they can listen to sounds that are more than 20000 decibels and that means they live a very loud world )

Nothing else but their own welfare is primary and they refuse to acknowledge that there is something wrong with them. Would not attempt to listen to friends ( if someone claims to be a friend ) and it is impossible to have medical counseling. After all there is nothing wrong with them.

I am at sea to understand such misanthropic behavior. I would really like to carefully notice someday whether they can smile at little child, look at flowers; listen to what others go through in life. What kind of people would lack basic social skills? Even the Selfish Giant of Oscar Wilde creation understood that his trees started bearing fruits when he allowed the children to play in his garden. What would change these people?

They should, because if they don’t, life will be like what the last stanza of what Paul Simon sang.

He died last Saturday.
He turned on the gas and he went to sleep
With the windows closed so he’d never wake up
To his silent world and his tiny room;
And Mrs. Riordan says he has a brother somewhere
Who should be notified soon.
And all the people said, what a shame that he’s dead,
But wasn’t he a most peculiar man?

No males please

There are certain things that are distinctly Indian as a behavior. I don’t intend to list them here. But just talk about only one such trait!

Blame it on the Bhagavad-Gita maybe. But how many people in this country have read the great book? So it should be something that is ingrained in our DNA by our forefathers who would have read the marvel. But there is a problem in reading it and understanding yourself and passed on wisdom. When it superficial it becomes a question of your own interpretation.

The Gita says that you keep doing your duty and don’t think about the outcome. We all get a hand me down of this wisdom from the mentors and the management guru’s too. Just focus on the efforts, results will automatically come. This is the catch phrase. If someone does not say that, then he will be ostracized from the Management community. So, all of us do that.

But the flip side is that, everyone thinks that the converse of the theorem is also true. End justifying the means!! Let me be honest, I am one like that. I would employ all honest & fair means (according to me) to get what I want. The corollary of the theorem becomes even more interesting.

Like when they make a movie script and the subject is an anti-hero one who resorts to illegal ways, they invariably establish somewhere that it is all for a good cause. He is bad, but then not that bad, he has his sense of fairness is what everyone would want to say. Or, there will be a movie where the hero has an affair because he is incompatible with his wife, but in the climax it is the lover who will come between him and the bullet, not the wife. Or let us say that the heroine gets raped by a drunkard, it is imperative that the drunk is her mother’s brother or her own cousin. In effect, it is like saying ‘yeah she got raped, but then in all fairness he could have been her husband if we go by relationship’. That is giving some credence to the guy that he can afford to rape. This will go a long way for the heroine to shed the taboo of a rape victim. And then, come what may the heroines will not remove their mangalsutra. Even if it is tied by a dog!!

There is an inherent fear to be iconoclastic in this nation. Things should be accepted by the larger society is what everyone’s desire. Let us say that there is something which is deviant from normal way of life. The thought will be ‘Fine, let us find out how much we can limit the damage’. This is so very pseudo. Bunch of hypocrites we have preaching for us.

Look at this news item. ‘Desi Porn start strikes it rich, to marry’. I said wow to myself even before I clicked the link. Here comes the crunch. Apparently she is an admitted bisexual, but has done only one male- female film so far, rest had all been lesbian stuff. And now the guy whom she is marrying is that male co-star. The only guy she has had sex with (in film of course)!!! Completely bamboozling!! She is a porn start all right, but she has been a one-man woman. Hahaha!!

I don’t know what is running in the lady’s mind. But one thing that bothers me is that, having chosen porn as profession, why this charade. ‘I am willing to do something on camera, but no males please’ is an odd condition, when she is clear about sexual preferences. She anyway is a bi. It takes a lot of courage to chose a profession like this and having done that, why these Indian traits?! People in the US, do porn movies as part time because they want to get through college. For you know, if you are working in the US, your boss could have been in porn films earlier.

Maybe I am being too cynical about everything in life. That’s what it should be. But I am unable to accept many things that go around me. Wish people could be brave, really really brave.

The Boss from 'Dilbert'

The Boss – A character from Dilbert by Scott Adams

He's every employee's worst nightmare. He wasn't born mean and unscrupulous, he worked hard at it. And succeeded. As for stupidity, well, some things are inborn. His top priorities are the bottom line and looking good in front of his subordinates and superiors (not necessarily in that order). Of absolutely no concern to him is the professional or personal well-being of his employees. The Boss is technologically challenged but he stays current on all the latest business trends, even though he rarely understands them.

This is my blog and I can say whatever I want. This has been my refrain always. And in a way I also felt that it provided a vent to my feelings which otherwise get bottled up. Sometimes issues are dealt humorously as I put it down in the blog, sometimes it pours out as agony. But for me, as a feeling it has got dealt with and that’s what is important.

Despite all this I had been holding myself back talking about a few characters in my ex-employ. Honestly I didn’t know why I had not dealt with my anger about them so far. I could have done that even while I was still working for them. Used euphemistic expressions which only the intelligent guys there understand. But then all those intelligent guys were anyway my friends and they knew what I felt and I also knew that they shared the agony. Bottles after bottles were drowned only on marveling at the stupidity of some creatures that somehow managed to soar up in the hierarchy.

I badly wanted to expose these guys even while I was there. Had a couple of skirmishes and that was about it! And while I was agonizing about letting them go scot-free, I was counseled by one of the rare occurrences like Haley’s comet. The rare occurrence was a man with brains and lots of them. And he told me simply ‘If you wrestle with a pig in the mud, both of you get muddy and the pig loves it’. That sealed my uncertainty of whether to fight or not. Not that I minded getting muddy, his analogy to the pig about the other guy was so very right and I didn’t see myself fighting with a pig, though I may smartly avoiding getting muddy and still win. In Mahabharata, there is a term used for fights amongst equals ( If I am right , it is called Thuvantha Yuddha, my Sanskrit is anyway pretty rusty ). As per agreed norms, a cavalry man fights only the enemy cavalry and so on. Here there was no equal for me to fight, so I just let it go. I was also tempted to have the last laugh and I drafted my resignation mail which was encrypted. The first letter of each word if strung together would have said ‘F*** You …….’ . I was advised against that also by a well-wisher and I just faded away from the scene. After nine years of passion, moved without a whimper and an exit interview!

OK, after two months why am I agitated now? That’s simply because, there had not been a single day in these 2 months where atleast 3 old colleagues had called me to pour their heart out. I am now a declared ‘Agony Uncle’. Stories after stories about the current & ensuing madness! The irony was that even while we were all working together, we managed to make time for ourselves where we discussed stuff that was not about business and company. But now, nothing else they seem to discuss with me. So, the clowns have succeeded in robbing my pleasure time off, which they could not manage while I was working with them.

And, while I was thinking that there is a saturation level for stupidity, these guys prove me wrong everyday by being extremely innovative doing more stupid stuff after stuff. And the worse thing being, not a single guy in the system believes a bit about what he is doing. Seemingly intelligent guys had no recourse but to follow the clown at the top and in the process become laughing stock themselves. The passion in which the second rung leaders try to convince the team to scale to greater heights with no apparent conviction in their voice and body language seems to be the latest fad. A couplet in Thirukkural says that you need to laugh when you face adversity. Very difficult art to practice, but then if there is something to thank these jokers, it is their attempt to induce humor in an otherwise bleak proceedings by being the clowns they are.

Apparently, a guy who is something one day is a different thing another day which he himself is not sure whether he is capable of. I am eagerly awaiting the day when that coffee boy grows into a National Manager. Atleast I like that guy and he is more intelligent than the current crop. They have faced tremendous success in killing the business. And they actually celebrate that. More than half the team has quit and a few of them had the courage to tell the HR guys what they think is messy there. But then HR knows that and they don’t want to or cannot act, hence very little interest for them to know further.

In midst of all this, the top clown and his crony clowns are happy. They feel on the top of the world doing things irrelevant to the business and too far moved away from reality. And they don’t want advice and there aren’t many who can give at this stage. It pains to see your efforts being killed like this, but then it doesn’t matter to me but for the pains I see in my erstwhile colleagues’ faces. People willing to jump out of the ship even if it means that the shore is so far off! Absolutely sickening and creates a terrible rage in me. How that is there could not be one single top guy who cannot bell the cat? How could there be so much apathy from the top management about a business? How could there be so much of gullibility amongst the intelligentsia of the company?

And the persons responsible themselves, how is that there could be so much superciliousness? I have heard of Megalomaniacs from history, never seen one in flesh & blood though. Does he really believe that what he is doing is right? Is he so blind about reality? Or is it just a brave front hoping for a miracle everyday? And what about the sycophants?! Do they really believe the cause or just that they make their living by being ’yea sir’s? There are more questions in mind than answers.

My moral dilemma occurs when I know I could fight and I don’t do. But then life is full of such compromises. Some you choose the right way, some the indifferent way. As long as I am convinced that it is not the wrong way, I guess I will keep finding platforms to vent my spleen.

Starstruck

I can’t understand our obsession with the film stars. For anything and everything we need them. Be it a Diwali day program on TV or a product launch, these guys are always there. And some of them would probably not know why they are there on first place. And absolutely ignorant of anything topical!

What are they doing in an event like a portal launch? Half of them would not know what Internet is!! Maybe they will seriously think that it has got something to do with mosquitoes. Not every star is so foolish, I know a few who swear by the Net; have their own blogs etc. But they don’t sell! The media doesn’t get excited. Or they will be 'out of market' actors who get qualified only for launching textile and jewelry shops. Prasanth and Laila are addicted to the Net. Maybe they can really add some real glitter to an event like this. But who cares? Everyone wants only Nameetha and how less she wears. That is if you want only stars for your event.

But if you are willing to look beyond, there are real stars like writers who have their Web-pages, written books in Tamizh about the Net, or involved in user’s associations etc! These guys can really lend some credibility and image to such an event. But it appears that Publicity means parading cinema stars, who capture the imagination of the media, make reporters come and write about their etiquette and attire than the event by itself.

I am really sick of this obsession. If you visit the page www.ted.com, you get all kinds of interesting video lectures from renowned people on various subjects on earth, but then who cares about all these, as long as we can see Nameetha’s thigh. Because that’s where the future of this country lies, for all you might know she could be our next Chief Minister.

Learn to be a Real Man

You don’t need this advice first thing in the morning, do you? Thanks to Spam, I did get the advice. They probably were trying to sell some stuff to me, but then they have actually ended up irritating me. The whole man thing I guess is a pressure to modern day men. And worse is that being connected to some apparatus and what it can do.

What exactly is being a real man? I don’t think I know it. For that matter I don’t think there is anything different between real man and real woman. And typecasting something as man’s thing is an issue these days for sure. A woman does every damn thing a man does too! Barring the typical MCP joke of being not able to piss 2 feet away from the wall.

Honestly, everyone on earth has inherent fears. Men just don’t show it. That’s all. You can be a hero with people who either out of goodness or fear don’t tell you that you are an asshole. Otherwise, even the so-called hero’s do not have the courage to speak the truth. And disagree to things that are clearly not fair. They also have the same fear of things not going good for them, fear of losing. They also look for support, a shoulder to cry, reassurance and miracles. They also nurture a secret dream of all problems getting washed away when they wake up in the morning. They also are always a child getting carried away by small things that can cause sadness or happiness. It is just that they don’t speak out.

So what’s being a real man? It is all bull crap. The moment one accepts a stupid position and compromises on it, this entire man thing becomes hogwash. And even when the fog clears, out of sheer escapism no one touches the bad time even in thoughts and just steel themselves to look forward. Satisfy themselves by telling, what is the fun in revisiting it, everything is good now, so lets just move ahead.

In my lifetime I have never seen a real hero who was not afflicted by the stuff I mentioned earlier. And I don’t think of myself as a hero either, unless I make a collage of all great things I did in life, my audacity and my fearlessness when it was convenient etc. But only I know that I have been scared.

Rajni's next movie

I am so pissed off with Sivaji’s storyline that I decided to make my own script for his next movie. Just a sketch! Not a real script. I have selfish reasons also to do this. In the US, when they write a script, they complete it and send it by registered post to their own address to establish it was their idea. That way now I am safe. But when I say Rajni, it is just not him it could be Amitabh too. For me they both are superstars. The movie knot is about how Rajni saves the world from destruction. Here comes the basic script

• Opening Scene, a shuttle takes off from earth, title credits.
  
• Title over, and the shuttle docks with a space station and opens with Rajni’s leg shown first.
  
• Rajni bends and touches space ( don't ask how, you don't ask these questions in a Rajni film ) and takes his hands to his eyes, worshipping the Supreme power.
  
• Shot cut, and Rajni touches the earth at Sholavandan and opens his store, which is in front of his watch repair shop. And the opening song. ( Song about how Time is important & every second is critical rendered by SPB )
  
• He is a technician; an expert in precision repairs is established.
  
• His life at the village, with comedy scenes and do-good acts.
  
• We show Trisha, the heroine. She has her own flashbacks, cut within cuts. As a baby, she is supposed to be a victim of female infanticide and Rajni as a 10 year old, saves her life somehow.
  
• She has excelled in studies and gone further to IIT and then joined NASA.
  
• Back at her village on a holiday, she recalls her past and falls in love with Rajni.
  
• A dream sequence and song.
  
• Trisha goes back to US.
  
• Jump cut, crisis at NASA. The space station has issues in a specific problem that only best of the precision experts can solve.
  
• The top honchos at NASA try to zero in on the expert and realize that the best guy is Rajni.
  
• Interval
  
• NASA scientists arrive at Sholavandan to convince Rajni to take up the task.
  
• Rajni hesitates, but the space station is powered by nuclear fuel, so a failure of that and crash landing will annihilate the earth.
  
• Rajni’s mom coaxes him to take up the task.
  
• Rajni travels to US and a song about the new world.
  
• Rajni’s training sequence at NASA to resolve the issue in the space station.
  
• Rajni takes off from earth, flash back over.
  
• At docking, Rajni is into the job.
  
• But Trisha is an astronaut in that space station.
  
• Trisha falls in love all over again.
  
• A dream sequence song again in the space.
  
• When Rajni is yet to fix the issue, when he faces the enmity of another haughty astronaut who has his eyes on Trisha.
• A zero gravity fight sequence ( with a remix of the song 'Vaanam Keezhe, Bhoomi Mele" in the background ) and then as a race against time of how Rajni gets the space station back forms rest of the story.

Fun apart, I made this stuff up, just to expand our own thinking of how we can build a fantasy and not get restricted by our imagination. This has all elements what folks would want. A message on female infanticide, a simple guy saving the world on a one man crusade, mother sentiment, comedy, songs, fight and scope for Computer Graphics that seems to be the vogue these days.

It’s not tough making up a story, that even a guy like me can make that. It’s anyway a rehash of something. Arthur Koestler says there are only 36 story knots possible. This is a rehash of Armageddon, Space Cowboys and a typical Tamil movie. But still, if someone can make it in a credible manner, this could be a great movie. It could be titled ' Ulagam Suttrum Valiban', which is once again a recent trend. And who cares about what reaches whom ? If money laundering and black money getting green, white and whiter can reach B & C Centers with Rajni popularity, so can a space mishap. Maybe we name the heroine Sunita to keep it topical.

I am already counting my dollars. Afterall Sivaji made 100 crores easily. And hoping blogs reach directors like Mani Ratnam.

PS: A punch dialogue contest is open and readers can send their entries, the best & chosen one will get free tickets for the opening show and my autographed credit card bills to pay.

North vs. South

There is a huge furore happening in rediff. All started by some joker posting his opinion about how Sivaji is. Well, as they say, opinions are like a**holes. Everyone has one. Point is how you keep that closed and don’t stink to make everyone know about it.

The whole debate has taken a direction of how mad Southies are when it comes to movies and how whole of North India is made of scientists and literary figures and no one cares about movies there anymore. And no one has actually talked about whether the movie is good or not. And if it is either, what makes them think so? It is purely now a divided house with all possible moderator allowed expletives, with some ingenious ways like using stars instead of alphabets.

When I go through the whole sequence, I can be certain about two things. The Northies are highly prejudiced. And Southies are stupidly emotional. And Northies while writing forget they have also produced movies with the Govinda’s of the world, and the censor board chief once had a suggestion to call Randhir Kapoor to watch how his daughter has danced with Govinda. All the David Dhawan’s No 1 movies were as crass as possible. Some comment on how a grandfather & granddaughter are romancing in Sivaji, conveniently forgetting the fact that the best hindi movie as of now ( incidentally directed by a Southie ) is all about a similar romance. So, what can be accepted as a story can’t be accepted in a fantasy film and people go around checking birth certificates. There can be many such examples of how bad movies are also made in Hindi as much as the good movies that are made. And the so-called criticized Southies are the ones who are sought after in Bollywood just for their work ethics. No wonder, the driver in my holiday tour refused to listen to Tamil songs and picked up a fight with us. He is atleast an illiterate; here we are talking about IT literates showcasing their prejudice.

And on the other hand, these guys, the Southies are reacting as if someone has raped their sister. It is a movie and people are talking some shit, these guys are so determined that they will dip their legs in that crap and later smell it and get hyper about it. They go at the length talking about culture, and the magnanimity of Southies to accept Rajni, who is actually a Maharashtrian. Everyone is brushing up their vocabulary and am not amused at all. There are great movies made in Tamizh as much as in any Indian language. This is an entertainer. If someone can’t stomach this hype and think we are all jokers, let him think. How does it matter to us?

But once again, there is something deep-rooted here. It is not just about Rajni, AB, good movies, bad movies, crass taste etc. It is all about where one comes from. There the Northies think that everyone who lives down should be looked down upon, despite the fact there are many of their ilk who actually live here and looked up on so very dutifully.

One day, something nasty is going to happen in this country. That I am sure of! :((