Thursday, November 16, 2006

Womenfolk... Read only if you can handle it ....

Why a man should not marry??????

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. -- Oscar Wilde

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. -- Sam Kinison

Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken

"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle." - U2

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.

When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"

I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"

Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The Dog of least he'll shut up after you let him in!
"Marriage is a romantic story, in which hero dies in the first chapter".

Truth & Lies

I have always been fascinated by truth & lies.

The way people tell lies!!

Some are pathological liars. Can’t tell truth even by accident. Some liars believe in their own lies. Some are suave liars. They actually never tell a lie themselves. But ensure that what is understood is a lie. Some have no regret whatsoever telling lies and strongly believe it is for the good (whose I don’t know). Some are pathetic liars. Don’t even realize that their lies are being laughed at, while they are even saying that.

Debate about truth has been there from Vedic times. Aadhi Shankara asked ‘ If there was no one to see, is the sky still blue’? Anything becomes truth only when there is some one to endorse what you say. Truth is always corroborative. So, if one can find many people endorsing what they say, they can very well make lies sound as truth. Like Goebbels, or some of our own politicians.

But sometimes, lies help. If they are sweet ( you look very beautiful ), If they really help others, If they can save people from misery, If they can build hope ( Don’t worry, everything will be alright tomorrow )….

I am just giving a few tips on how to tell lies (they are not mine really, I read them somewhere ). Here they are
  • Don’t tell lies for small things.
  • Objective of the lie should be very important.
  • Tell lies when it is unexpected.
  • Before telling a lie, analyze chances of success of that lie.
  • Be careful while telling a lie.
  • Tell Fair lies (don’t tell lies which are totally unbelievable)
  • Your lies should satisfy the listener in some way.

But my advice, if there is anyone to listen to it. Don’t tell lies. More than for the moral side of it, truth is just very very convenient. You don’t have to remember what you told, if its plain truth.

Trip to ICU

Now, it is not great fun being in an ICU and sometimes could be terrifying. I can imagine a few loving folks chasing me with whatever they could lay their hands on, as they sat outside worried, praying and wishing me well.

But I am tempted to talk about it nonetheless.

Now, firstly, I don’t understand how they decide at the hospital that one should be admitted into the ICU. My best guess, as the reason is ‘Mediclaim’. If you are insured and if it is for a healthy amount (ironical, healthy amount), then you get into an ICU. Otherwise, maybe just a room, or a ward. I don’t think at my age, it was purely medical reasons only. Well, anyway, I managed to get into in.

Secondly, I can’t just understand, why they strip you completely as if you are taken into Gitmo, Cuba. Stand-alone, if a female asks you to strip completely, you should be delighted and jump at it. Not at an ICU though. You are sick, mind you and you are not allowed to jump. And then they depute a matron who will probably retire or drop dead the next day, to make that all-important statement. My guess on this is that, they don’t want you to escape.

Third, I climbed up the stairs in the hospital to see the cardio, but an hour later they want to put a nasal catheter for breathing. I was afraid that it would block my breathing more. Politely informed my interest in continuing to live and declined that honour.

And then all these Heart Meters and latest high – tech equipments attached to you and if you really were sick, you can see the Pearly Gates at the sight of these machines. It is just like the movies, a blue colour LED display running and to my great disappointment, I was not being chased to be murdered or so. I plainly sat waiting for the food, which apparently is the real murderer employed. Maybe that’s a psychological ploy. Patients for want of better food, will themselves to get better and walk out. Who knows?

And then your bedfellows!!! One was a very old lady who kept to herself most of the time. The other guy next to me looked like as if he was staying there permanently. He knew all the attendants by name in all the shifts. One poor patient’s helper disappeared for the whole day. And there was this other guy who had be fed through a funnel. They all were really sick I guess. Me, I was sitting, watching, waiting for some excitement. Nothing happened. It was status quo.

One solace is when they take ECG, applying cold gel can turn you on, provided it is a drop-dead nurse and not a dropping dead one.

Otherwise it is pretty boring. But by the time, I decided that I will spend my time usefully flirting with one of the good-looking nurses, they let me out :(