Mystic Force

You may call it whatever you want. Fate, God, Nature, Destiny !!! But I call it as mystic force.

There are many things that I can do. I know I am capable of doing. And I am not someone who is too worried about consequences. And I define my own morality. I keep professing everyone and myself that being good at any point of time is what is more important and that is what defines morality even.

What is right for you could be wrong for someone else and there is what you call as Swadharma if you are smart and karma if you are a fatalist. So I don’t bother too much about rights and wrongs, because practically I define them. And I don’t do any wrong.

But there are times, I want to do certain things and my mind doesn’t object it too much. Rather doesn’t object at all and on the contrary it encourages.So, as per my conscience what I want to do is no wrong at all.

But I still don’t do it. And I have never known why so far?!

There could be this absolutely innocuous stuff that I would want to do and still don’t do. I credit that to what I call as Mystic Force. Somehow, there is something that stops me from doing it. A force that can override my desire!! In a conscious state I would never listen to anyone or any such stuff.

But I do!!! I don’t know why I stop doing what I want. At different points in time the logical explanations could give a reason about why I resisted from doing it. According to me, even that realization or hunch is because of some mystic force.

Need to understand that, and then I suppose life will be in control. Of mine!!!!!!!

Lovesick

Have always been in love. All my life!! On one thing or other. Or one person or other or many!

In my life, there had never been measures. Or defined extremes! I set them, rather I don set them. I don’t like setting them. They sometimes, because of others get set.

You love something and how do you draw a line to it? You cant! Can you?? As long as love for certain thing or person survives, do you think you can say it’s enough? Something like, ‘OK, my limit for love allows only this much, so please please brain, will you listen to me’??

I love music and I can’t stop collecting them. I love books and I can’t stop buying more. I love movies and I can’t stop seeing them. I love a few people and I can’t stop showing it.

Unlike the other inanimate stuff, my love for people gets shown in many ways. Sometimes just by accepting them, accepting what they do, accepting their anger on me, accepting their distance and accepting my own inability to show love and accepting their inability and compulsion about not to show love! Or by overdoing things, Or by buying stuff for them just to see the pupils dilate. I told you before, I don’t have extremes defined.

I sometimes, just sometimes think that people should show love to me also. But never been patient to wait for that or understand the many different ways they show it. It’s funny that people whom I thought are out of love with me; spring a surprise one day by just surfacing.

In many ways, as much as others I feel that I also take love for granted. And I expect it to stay, shown irrespective of what I do or mean.

I still don’t know whether I am lovesick or sick of love!!!

Sound of Silence

There is this ethereal beauty about Silence. I happened to see a good movie with a deaf-mute in the lead and a musician falling in love with her. I can keep raving about the movie on and on, that’s not the idea here.

I started wondering about ‘expressions’ after that. Whenever we say ‘expressions’, we don’t attach any deeper meaning to it and is generally thought and said as what words can do. Written, Spoken or sung. They just form a minor part of our expressions to think of. Many of our words get more meaning only when they are accompanied with gestures.

Or many words that are unsaid but you wanted to say gets told, by being something or by doing something. It could even be with people who you interact often or had been interacting.

In a cacophonous world, silence becomes the best music.

I have tried to translate a song that comes in the move that talks about the expressions. This is how it goes

Is it Sound or Music, that is
The expression of wind
Is it fragrance or color, that is
The expression of flower

Is it Waves or Froth, that is
The expression of Ocean
Is it lips or eyes, that is
The expression of love

If the expression of nature is understood,
There is no place for words
If the expression of heart is understood,
There is no need for words

When the wind blows,
There is no direction
When love speaks,
There are no words

Like spoken words,
Silence is not understood
The words of eyes though
Is not understood even by God

Can’t give a shape
To the flowing breeze
Can’t give a form
For the words of heart

If the expression of nature is understood,
There is no place for words
If the expression of heart is understood,
There is no need for words

Words of sky
Comes as drizzle
Words of a rainbow
Comes as color

When the heart is mute
Tears becomes the words
When the day becomes dark
Stars becomes the words
In a heart with desire
Even a wink becomes words.

If the expression of nature is understood,
There is no place for words
If the expression of heart is understood,
There is no need for words

Sometimes, I feel it is better not to say anything at all and show all the love only by actions whenever you get a chance. And I am convinced am right.

Iyengars & their lexicon

This is inspired by a similar Bong Alphabet list I received, which was satirical though. So decided to compile this list of Iyengar vocabulary.

Before that a small brief about the community itself: As someone said, the Iyengars would either be cooks or in the US. If there is one Iyengar family that doesn’t have a relative in US, then there is something seriously wrong. Should really check their ancestry. : ))

One of the most fanatical community, they are an island amongst Brahmins. They believe only Vishnu is God and serious Iyengars like my mom don’t even go to worship Siva in Meenakshi Amman temple. Meenakshi is ok; She is Iyengar by birth!!

Everyone would be called as Srinivasan is what my guess is. In my mom’s house, the great grandfather, grandfather, father, son & great grandson all were called so. Like the King Edwards!!

Never name anyone Ganesh, Karthik or any Iyer sounding names. The community is a curious combination of strict orthodoxy and lenience. They don’t touch anything non-iyengar even with a 10-foot pole, but has so much lenience built in. Myth says that, once Mahavishnu forgot that, it was a Ekadasi, a fasting day and he had a sumptuous meal and grandly finished with a paan. When someone saw Him and was shocked at his impropriety, He nonchalantly said, Ekadasi is only tomorrow. Since then all Iyengar celebrations has always been in the next day.

Funnily & truly no one else subscribe to their idea of superiority.

Now to the vocab!!!!

Aam, which means home. This has given way to words like Aathukaarar, Aathukaari, meaning husband & wife respectively. Etymology: variant of Aham, standing for self or home

Bitley, this stands for a special dish mostly made out of Bitter Gourd. Etymology: unknown.

Chathumathu, a staple-diet for Iyengars! All Iyengar children are brought up only in the diet of Paruppu & chathumathu. Etymology: variance of Saadham (that is rice) and Amudhu (that is again a variant of Amrut)

Chanian refers to actually Saturn or Sani that is supposed to do bad for people. But Iyengars use it as a swear word. Kids learn to use the word just after they learn Appa, Amma..

Dertham stands for water Etymology: Variant of Theertham, a Sanskrit word for water.

Dedhyonam stands for curd rice. Etymology: Unknown

Ecchapiratal stands for ‘cleaning the place where you have food. Etymology: Ecchal meaning ‘leftover’ and Piratal meaning ‘gathering’

Garudazhvaar, the vehicle of Mahavishnu. This gave him a name as Azhvaar which a demi-god status. True to Iyengar idiosyncrasy, they look up for an Eagle type bird and pray.

Jeer, is the Iyengar equivalent of Sankaracharya. Head of the mutt different sects of Iyengars belong. Iyengars have the peculiar belief that only in their tradition, God visits a bhakta at his home, apart from the Baktha visiting him at his abode. The Jeer is responsible for bringing God home. But mind you, Vishnu is very costly. The Jeer visting your house will be akin to a Tsunami devastated one. And the entourage is super madi. Use only well water for cooking and when they serve food, they practically throw it at you.

Kariamudhu stands for Subzi. Etymology: Kari, which is a Tamil word for vegetables and amudhu again for amrut.

Kadangaran originally means somehow who has borrowed. But all errant kids / people are referred as Kadangaran. Female Gender variant also is used. It is a favourite swear word with another interesting word that comes up next.

Kattelova, pronounced as I have written, this is actually a variant of ‘Kattale Poravane’ once again meaning one who goes in the funeral palanquin. What is the idea of using this as a swear word I don’t know. Afterall, all of us will be so once.

Madi means clean. Actually super clean!! One can achieve madi status, by taking bath head to toe, wear clothes washed separately and dried. If anything from a crow to a kid even touches a half-dried cloth, then wearing that would disqualify for madi status. Sometimes even a particular distance could be a madi deterrent Etymology: Unknown

Naalayira Divya Prabandham is referred as Tamil Veda, a collection of 4000 hymns made in praise of God. Wonderful literature and almost a definitive guide to Vaishnava psyche.

Naarmadi, a symbol of backwardness and Brahmin cruelty in general. A sari in a dirty colour worn by Iyengar widows, irrespective of the fact they would be only in their twenties.

Oppiliappan refers to God at Kumbakonam also referred as Chinna Tirupathi. Iyengars can make their offerings to this God, which originally was supposed to be done at Tirupathi. Etymology: Oppu means parallel in Tamil, and the word stands for ‘One without any parallel’

Puliyodharai, can be called as Iyengar’s USP. Stands for Tamarind Rice, the community is known to be specialists in making this dish! Etymology: Puli is Tamil means Tamarind.

Paandal, a variant of theetu. Maybe a scheduled caste amongst the theetu!!

Saligramam, a stone that is collected at the Himalayan Ranges where the God is supposed to reside. Can’t think of an Iyengar house without that. Stored in a rice container sometimes, this being a fast-food world, to ensure that God doesn’t go hungry. Etymology: Unknown

Sudarsana Homam, a ritual that is performed for general well being. Iyengars don’t do Ganapathy Homam.

Sahasranamam refers to the 1000 words of Mahavishnu, the supreme Iyengar god. Actually it is Vishnu Sahasranamam, but only referred in general.

Thirumapararathu stands for adding ingredients like Mustard & Ghee mainly in chathumathu. Etymology: Unknown

Theetu, means untouchable. All Iyengars except old grandmothers are always in a state of theetu.

Thumbikai Azhvaar, a perfect example of Iyengar fanaticism. It is a God that looks like Ganesha (the elephant-headed one). Since Iyengars cant worship Ganesha but he being all powerful, an Iyengar substitute was badly needed and hence this God

Thenkalai, one sect of Iyengars. They believe that there are like cats. As the mother cat always carries the kitten, they believe that God will carry them everywhere. Don’t think they respect Vadakalai’s too much.

Vadakalai, one sect of Iyengars. They believe that there are like monkeys. As the monkey babies grab their mom and travel with them, they need to grab God and travel with him. They obviously think low of Thenkalai’s.

Vishnu, the prime deity. For Iyengars, life starts and ends with Vishnu. No other God matters.

There could be more words, but right now can think only this much. Will try and build the vocabulary.

Till then, a toast to all Iyengars!!!!

CA(ugh)T in the Act

I once picked up a stray dog when I was 10 yrs. Forgot its name. My folks never approved it and the worst was that, it was never recognized to be a living thing. I dug a pit for that and coated with cement to make a water bowl. And robbed a few pints of milk to keep the creature alive. It hadn’t even opened its eyes when I brought it in. It grew pretty well and even responded to my calls. And one day it vanished. My strongest suspicion was on the housemaid. I recognized that dog in all the dogs, that I saw. And hoped for long that it would find me back. It never did.

My passion then turned to cats. My cousin’s house was just opposite had plenty of them. That old grandmother, old servant maid and cats were permanent fixtures in that house.

My first two attempts to bring the kitten home was a disaster. Once I got bitten even before I could lay my hands on it. Second was a bit more successful. Brought it home and the place it chose to settle was the toilet and into the closet that too. And straight it walked into the kitchen from there. The fact I am alive writing this today after that incident just tells me that there is a greater purpose of my living in this earth. God would not have saved me that day, unless He had some definite plans for me, am sure.

Third one was the most hilarious. My uncle was at home and I enlisted his help for ‘Project Kitten’. He should have been catching cats all his life I suppose, as he easily picked the smallest and put it in a bag. And for the house just opposite, we had to take a circuitous route. He never forgot to tell me that kittens are smarter than us and they would find the way home. So, we had that infamous trek.

Midway, his dhoti got loose and he asked me to hold the kitten bag, which I promptly refused after the experience of the first bite. He had no other choice but to leave the bag down. Smart kitten move, inside or outside the bag!! And we had a moving bag right on the street, much to the chagrin of my uncle. He was fairly pissed about my ‘cat catching’ qualities. I never excused myself for that. It pained to think that I wasn’t good enough to even catch a cat. Such a demotivating thing it was.

Anyway, after that I neither tried nor manage to catch anything.

Letters

There had been a lot of casualties with the advent of technology. And it has always been there. Like it comes in the song ‘Video killed the Radiostar’! Every time when something new comes, the old should die and make way. Some of them reinvent themselves, once again like the radio. But, the one I don’t anticipate to be reborn and mourn about is the letters. Written ones delivered by the Postal & Telegraphs.

Written letters always had a charm. They were somehow more personal than any of the communication tools that we have today. Including talking I mean. That’s because when you talk you cant take them back, but when you write, you can read it again and maybe then it strikes you odd that you have written something you should not have. This is true for even today’s written communications. Mails, Chats or SMS.But even in them, there is an issue, there is an easy ‘send’ button and you send it just like that.

Letters were not like that. Firstly, it was handwritten most times. So, however silly it may appear, as it comes in the old Tamil Movies, you can see the face in the middle of the letter in watermark. There was always surely that great feeling.Then you could always carry a letter with you. Maybe in the pocket and keep reading them again and again.

And the greatest about them was the time lag. From writing to reading! And the anticipation of receiving them! You always somehow knew that letter was going to be there that day. Maybe your hunch or a definite past frequency would give that feeling.

Whenever I see these war movies, in which soldiers in the front, taking out a badgered letter again and again I used to feel so melancholic.

My father used to write to us. He had a peculiar handwriting. The words were placed close to each other and cursive. He was always to the point and there weren’t many expressions of what he really felt in those letters. But somehow for us, we could see him, his care and his face in those letters. There was a formal opening we had for him (Thendam samarpivitha vignabanam). And again always to the point just trading information!

One of his friends in the bank he worked also happened to become friends with my two elder brothers. And he was such a nice man, that he will use 3 different Inland letters separately addressed to the 3 of them, but write the letter with a carbon copy. : ))

My association with the post offices were also very many. First was when I had a friend in the college who was from a different town. So, all the holidays, it was writing each other for us. Almost with clockwork precision there will be letters every alternate day. On some occasions, a reply being written, right there at the post office.

Then the next was when I was hunting for a job. Applications sent everyday and replies expected. I used to walk across to the main post office where they sort the letters, because the restless was so high to find a job.

And then when the job was as a Medical Rep, with reports to be sent everyday (I didn’t send them so was a different story), but more importantly the salary and expenses cheques were sent by post and that was always a chase, with money running atleast 7 days before its next due.

And the most famous letters of my life, 3 of them precisely from me and one as a reply from her!! Even after we started courting, I somehow never let the habit of writing to her, and there will be plenty of them that I would not only write but also deliver myself as a postman. : ))

I still have them all with me. As a big bunch saved for 18 years now, but honestly some of them are very embarrassing to read now. : )) Maybe when we have a fight, we should pick them up and read.

After that, the age of letters was dead. Never had the opportunity to write or receive them. Surely atleast the postal ones were dead. Some were still delivered by couriers. But they were mostly commercial ones, at office and gradually it became only credit card statements and other bills, which anyway I didn’t want to receive.

I don’t know whether it is part of aging that I am getting nostalgic about stuff like letters; why don’t know, I am sure it is. But not aging of the person, aging of the technology!!

You always look forward for improvements in what you have, but later start to ruminate about what we had in the past. Only when things go off use or your hand, you start missing them.

Haste, Haste, Haste !!!

Have you seen this situation before? I am sure you would have. The aircraft just touches down and stabilizes a bit, one gentleman will stand up immediately and fiddle with the overhead luggage compartment, as if he is going to jump out of the aircraft and rush to Mars or Venus immediately. Or, plenty others who will stand up, bending their neck uncomfortably when the plane stops and doors are yet to open. It will be a pitiful sight, gentleman with nice looking suits, with neck bent like chicken before the final moments. Or, a swarm of people rushing to the gate when the aircraft is announced and also attempting to jump the queue.

I would want to scream at that time, ‘Buddies, your seats are numbered, you have boarded, all of us are led in the same bus to the plane and for God sake, after checking in, the plane never leaves without you and however hard you try, you can never reach the destination earlier than the 300 others who are traveling with you’.

Or to the guy who stands up immediately, that we had been attempting this Mars sojourns for a couple of decades and are unsuccessful, so a few more minutes delay would not matter to either us the earthlings, or you the Superman.

I have never been able to understand this haste. Everybody, everywhere seems to be in haste. Totally lacking social skills, sneaking before you in a queue, jostling for plates in a buffet, honking at car stuck in signal!! All, with absolute nonchalance, with fleeting glances whether others notice this great act of heroism or shame.

Why and where are they rushing? To death? Or, are they trying squeeze out every living moment of their lives? Or that they are Bill Gates making billions of dollars every second?? Speed; haste everywhere, people driving like maniacs and pizza delivery boys. I am somehow very certain that they all rush to a destination and sit idle for a long period of time. Maybe they are rushing to catch up some rest!!!

Like it comes in Mahabaratha, if the Yaksha asks me what is the strangest thing in the world, it will be a no-brainer. The strangest thing in the world is the fact that these jokers stayed in their mother’s womb for 9 full months.

I am sure that they would have stood up and knocked at the door a million times trying to rush out by saying ‘ Hi there, I am in a state of urgency, can you please let me out, never mind it is only 6 months and am half-developed.

Next time, I meet such a person, I am going to walk up and encourage him. ‘Please do it, I know that you have very little time left in the world’.

It wasn't me!!

We have always found it easy to blame others. Whatever difficulty we face, mistake we would have done, it is because someone was the reason.

I keep teasing my wife that for her in life ‘it is all because of me’. Even if it is some tap leaking at home and it suddenly decides to turn into a fountain. And I would be at some distant place like Mumbai or Delhi at that time. But you guessed, it would have been because of me. By an extremely ingenious piece of creativity like, the tap starting leaking because, I close it strong and in the process would have screwed it up and not only that, in a passing remark I would have been asked to call my Man Friday to fix that and I got busy chasing a few lakhs of revenue forgetting the leaky tap.

Ok, ok, it is not that bad, it was a futile attempt at exaggeration. But I will tell you; things can be pretty close to that, completely defying logic. And for me, it is all because of her. As I too make many such passing remark that is supposed to be an instruction and obviously you have a fall guy (in my case, a fall gal) when it does not happen.

On a serious note, I was thinking one day on why our attitude is made like this. Very rarely we accept mistakes, unless we know that we can never escape the blame. It all starts from how they rear us from our childhood. We are trained to blame others.

Just look at this. Our toddler would be attempting to do some Superman stuff and in the process would bang against a wall and get hurt. The first thing we as parents say to the baby is, ‘Acho, we will beat this wall nicely’. Awesome, a poor inanimate wall gets blamed because this stupid kid can’t understand its limitations.

That’s how it all starts. From inanimate stuff to the boy the next door who is the always the bad one, we first are on the clear. Why are they otherwise there?

Now you understand, how deeply this affects me? It is all because of her.

Babel

The attempt to build the Tower of Babel is said to have angered God and cursed that people will talk different languages. I am not getting into how that can be micro-analyzed, whether it meant lack of understanding about what we talk to each other or plainly languages.

I am talking about the latest movie ‘Babel’, which has some parallels; don’t know whether the director’s primary intention was that.

Firstly, it will anger the viewers, for most of the times it is some meaningless rambling going on in the movie. Seemingly connected to each other, the 4 different storylines have very little in common. There is a very thin connection of a rifle of a Japanese guy, used by a Moroccan kid in a desert, which accidentally injures an American tourist and a side story of the kids of that tourist going to Mexico. That’s all the connection is. Nothing more.

I don’t know what’s the real idea of the director. Will 4 different story lines with such a thin connection make a full-fledged movie? I am surely tempted to think about the movies ‘Amores Perros’ ‘Yuva’ and also the likes of ‘Rashomon’. The first two had a clear link between the main protagonists. An accident that involves multiple people and how their lives get intertwined after that! And in Rashomon, the same incident is seen through 4 different pair of eyes. Now that’s a movie.

And on top of it, nice acting talents wasted completely. Gael Garcia Bernal according to me is a great talent. His performance as a mean dog owner in ‘Amores Perros’, sex crazed adolescent in ‘Yu Tu Mama Tambien’, as a newly ordained priest in ‘Crimen del padre Amaro, El’ are all outstanding. Such a guy being wasted in a stupid role irritates me. Atleast Brad Pitt had something to do in the movie thankfully.

And I don’t understand why if a helicopter if shown as flying should be shown till it lands, taking a whole minute or two. These parallel cinemas have this affliction. In some Mallu movies, if a fellow starts eating, they will show him complete the meal fully, or if potatoes are peeled, the entire container gets peeled and you see it patiently.

If this is realism, then I have an issue. I might as well walk into a kitchen and watch potato peeling. Maybe, I am a frontbencher who looks for plain good entertainment for 2 plus hours, without taxing my brain to find a story and invent meanings and have my personal interpretations blah blah. Just see a movie and mull over how it was a few times and get it done with. If it’s too good, keep seeing it again and again.

One good thing the movie did to me was that it gave me confidence. Maybe one day, I will make a movie, a good one at that. Or worse come worse a completely cranky movie like this and still get a release and for all you know, might pick up an award or two also

Roving Eyes - Part II

Let us get into the other side of the Roving eyes now. Honestly, I feel men’s eye will rove, whatever you may say.

Their brain is made that way. For millions of years, men had been preoccupied about procreation and have always been looking at opportunities to pass on his genes. With his responsibility being gathering food in an unfriendly environment, he always stood a chance of dying anytime and hence there was both urgency and lack of monogamous relationships. Unfortunately, unlike other species, Homo sapiens take 270 days for bringing another being to life, hence the urgency.

Now things are different surely, but habits die hard. Even today, after years of domestication, dogs hide their food. So if it is man’s eye, it will rove. I am not making any justification here, but this is just how brain works for a man. And today in a civilized environment, it stops with ogling and doesn’t go any further.

And it does not matter to him, how most appealing the other one is. So, the argument of why he looks at other women and how one should model herself is absolute crap. More than many times, the ones ogled have lesser good looks.

So, just chill. Ogling for men is a dirty habit of million years with no apparent meaning or gratification. And most importantly it has no bearing on how women look at all.

Roving Eyes & Heartaches

My wife’s roving eye caught this article in ‘Woman’s Era’ and she asked me read it out.

First things first, this is not any candid admission of any sort. She just asked me to read it, that’s all. Don’t read more meaning into this, or let your imagination run wild and think that it applies to me. It may or may not be. That’s definitely not the point of discussion here.

Let me not get into the reasons cited by the author as what are the likely reasons for a husband having a roving eye. That will become psychoanalysis then. Let me tell you what the author poses as questions & prescribes as solution to the all the wife’s.

X Have you started taking your husband for granted?
X If you have, try to look sexier & attractive.
X Try and rekindle the romance in your married life.
X Dress well.
X Try to look pretty.
X Give exclusive time to your partner.
X Speak softly & in a loving manner.
X Don’t nag.
X If he ogles at particular kind of women, take note of it and emulate her good points.

Now, has this author ever been married? Does she even understand what she suggests? Mates, this doesn’t happen in marriage. This can only be a fairy tale.

Marriage is real stuff, not a script. Can you imagine spouses talking to each other softly & in a loving manner? That too when you are pre-occupied with jobs, mortgages, children, model exams, unnecessary commitments??

And is someone even bothered about this trivia? These woman’s magazines should be the first to be banned if we want to reach anywhere closer to emancipation and equality for women. This is real sick stuff, advising women about how to look attractive. Try & emulate good points of the ones being ogled I believe. My foot. There can be nothing more demeaning to a wife.

I will tell you what, if he ogles at other women, you just ogle at other men. Maybe the husband of the one that is being ogled!

Then a man’s magazine can write about how men should try & look attractive and emulate good points. Haha.

I am even more pissed about the fact this damn author also starts the article with a name of a guy that is mine. :-X

Mr Know-it-all

Lately I had been professing opinions about anything and everything. I have become a ‘Karuthu Kandasami’. Starting from self-analysis to voodoo stuff and giving copious advice like an Agony Aunt.

In fact, even now when I started to think, whether am I talking too much, that again sucked me in a whirlpool of thought and it has once again metamorphosised as another blog.

Guess it is the availability of a medium for expression. When you have a place to say something without the fear of being stoned, and not having to pay for publication, it helps a lot.

And the freedom of not having to contain oneself to specific subjects or thoughts! Just rattle out whatever that strikes you and write it down. And the absence of any compulsion to write anything at all is also good.

Initially, when I really wanted to blog, consciously thinking about what to blog, it was a big pressure and it appeared that I had nothing to say. Or sometimes felt there was too much to say. Cramp everything you read, saw; know into blogs and eventually it turned out that was either too banal or scholarly.

Now that I released myself of that pressure, it comes so very naturally to keep dishing out stuff. Or is it the fact that am not being critical of what I write and stopped worrying about banality or scholarship??

It has become some kind of a joke at home, my daughter saying that ‘ aanalum nee konjam jaasthi ezhuthara’ or me threatening them to submission by saying ‘ if you don’t stop doing what you are doing, I will write now’ : ))

In fact this title should be copyrighted to Somerset Maugham. A wonderful short story with the same title that ends so very classically as all his stories do!!!

Anyway, it seems so good to blog and let it be so now!!

Black

We are this family of ‘Black’ fanatics. For me, only black is colour. And only dark skinned girls appeal to me. Keep buying black color clothes as if it is going out of fashion that day. Sometimes, I take it too far by getting turned off by a few fair skinned one’s.

I believe that Black is the natural color and God made people black who faded both in color and character as days went by. And all of us at home have similar opinion.And grew with adages like 'Only Black is beautiful, only burnt is tasty'

So, it’s no wonder that my younger one, all of 5 years also has picked our tastes in color. She happens to be dark like her mom, while me and my first one are less fortunate and in lighter shade.

Lately, my daughter has picked this up as a riposte when I keep calling her Blackie for fun. She says, ‘Me & Mom are black, Daddy & Akka are yuwak’ and the genuinity with which she says yuwak is simply unbelievable. :)) More about black later!!

No time,so pls read now!!

Lot many people complain to me that they don’t have time to do most of the things they would like to do. The chief culprit always seems to be work. ‘Where do I have time to do it’ is a constant refrain from all of them. Somehow I am unable to take that in face value.

Well, I am not a time management expert or anything. The only thing that qualifies me to talk about time & the availability of it is the fact that I waste a great deal of it. So, I know.

I don’t understand the hype about such a simple and standard stuff. Statements like ‘If you don’t have time, you should manufacture it’ only adds more mysticism to it. And any conscious attempt to get ‘management of time’ better, only increases the load and thus the guilt of incapability.

I told that I waste a great deal of time. At the risk of sounding conceited, I want to run a quick list of what all I do (not necessarily in a particular day, not all days are always same).

· In the past 4 years, I would have averaged at least 150 movies every year.
· I finish at least 5 books a month on an average.
· I take Holidays twice a year. Fairly long ones.
· I have recently been writing plenty (if you can call blogging as writing :P)
· I spend a fair amount of quality time with my kids.
· Never failed to lose an opportunity to party and I can think of getting together for long sessions with guys at least twice a month.
· Travel heavily on work.
· Recently experimenting with cooking.
· My phone doesn’t seem to stop and I know by the call timers that I spend an average of 1 Hr & 15 minutes each day on phone.
· On weekends, my wife and me hit the discs.
· Sleep happily in the afternoons if it is a holiday, for a minimum of 3 hours.
· Park in front of TV if its cricket time.
· Few more activities that cant be recorded : ))
· And I also have a job that pays me enough to suck the blood out me, one pint for each paisa paid.

There is also many more that I do. Well, on top of this, I still feel that I waste a lot of time because most of the time, I laze around. This is not any attempt to say how much I do and still have time. It is just that, I happen to do all this and also be fairly relaxed without rushing to meet deadlines.

I may have a lot of help to get these luxuries happening to me. I was seriously thinking about why then people complain and how do I manage to get so much time for myself.

I never set timetables or organize myself, though am a creature of habit and ordinary chores takes a pre-defined time and gets done by itself.

Mostly it is because I guess I don’t pause to think before doing anything. If I want to read and a book is in front of me, I just pick it up and start reading. If I am sitting in the front of the TV and want to see a movie, I just switch it on. Many such stuff, if I want to do, I just do.

And also, many of these things happen simultaneously. For example, I said I travel a lot, but this piece is being done in an Airport Lounge. It would have otherwise been spent reading. And the travel is because of work.

Guess that’s the key. Somehow, keep doing whatever you want to do, whenever you feel like, if you really want to do. It is possible if as I said you really want to do it.

Bye for now, I need to get myself a haircut. No time to do it for a month now!! : ))

Tamil Voodoo

Something really funny happened last week at my home. Before getting into that, I need to give a prologue. This is not exactly about Voodoo stuff, but the superstitions we carry even in this century, when Sunita Williams is having a stroll in Space.

I had been living in midst of them almost all my life. Starting from Rahu Kaalam to not eating during eclipse, I suffered many. Some of them have scientific explanations and when I get the logic, I don’t mind following them. But this one caps it all.

My wife made coffee one day and I felt it was OK. But,when she had it,felt it was not good and that was endorsed by my daughter also. They went through a very logical fact-finding mission. First she thought that the milk could be bad, and boiled a fresh pot and made another coffee. She still felt it was bad. Then coffee powder became the accused and a fresh brew from a different coffee powder was made, but the result was the same.

This was continuing well into the second day and she was so very perturbed. Having run out of logic, she was lamenting about this illuck to her mom and there was a solution found. My mother-in-law suggested that she takes a handful of salt and rotate it around the milk. Apparently there was a bad eye on the milk. With nothing to lose, my wife went through it. And the next coffee was out of advertisements. Fresh, aromatic and tasty!!

Now I don’t know what to make of this. Can someone really cast a bad eye on an inanimate thing like milk? And how come salt is a bad eye doctor? Stretching logic, I can even understand bad eye on the cow, but surely not on the milk.

Anyway, one thing I learnt from this episode is the power of salt. The Mahatma used it chase the British out of the country, and this for Salt should have been child’s play.

Sher Shah Suri, Siraj-ud-Dowla & So What ??

I love reading about Indian history. Don’t remember being so fascinated about the subject while I was at school. Though I can recall reading out from my sister’s history books when she was at college.

It was a couple of books at a later date that generated more interest in Indian History. One was ‘Freedom at midnight’ by Larry Collins and Dominique Lappiere and another even later ‘Vanthaarkal Vendraarkal’ by Madhan. Then graduated to Kushwant Singh’s ‘India’ and John Keay’s ‘India:A History’. And every time I read one such book my interest only goes up.

But this piece was prompted seeing my daughter’s struggle for her model exam. She is just in 7th standard, nothing to really bother about exams. What I see in her books is a dampener though. It is just a series of unpronounceable names doing the same thing like killing siblings to get to the throne, do 10 stupid things against one really good reform. How come what Sher Shah Suri did to Humayun matter now? And that too, when it really doesn’t change much like missing an episode in a mega serial? The poor thing is really struggling with the names and the spellings.

I can’t really prescribe a solution to this. History is so interesting and also important for one to know. But, NCERT manages to kill that interest in people by making it syllabus. Is this information even going to stay in their minds? Is it relevant for passing a board exam? Why cant these subjects be an elective, with no exams to take? Not surprising that an eminent personality like RK Narayan calls exams as a 'culmination of all sadistic impulses :)

At the end of the day, right from the 09th standard annual vacation, students get into coaching classes for JEE and strive to become an engineer and get into the modern temples like IIT, IIM. No one wants to become a historian and even if they do, most parents and friends will treat them as outcastes.

In a terrible situation like this, why would someone force feed history I don’t know? And in the process kill a very fascinating read.

What am I ??

It is said that Hinduism thrives and gets stronger as a religion / tradition by passing on a simple question ‘Who am I?’ from generation to generation. A quest for finding an answer to it is what makes people think and do more and realize the greater potential of the religion.

My question is not all that tough. I keep asking myself ‘What am I?’ Like it comes in the movie ‘Nayagan’, the question ‘Neenga Nallavara, kettavara?, pops up every now & then in my mind.

What makes me? Is it my habits that could be simply abhorable sometimes when seen from outside, or about what I do which also spans a fairly broad spectrum of emotional upheavals?

I act a bitter critic and cynic when it comes to people hobnobbing with God to get things they want, while I myself remain very pious in my mind. I am extremely friendly with the kids and have raucous fun at home, but scream my head off about their indiscipline. Guys who work with me sometimes revere me, but I have sacked my best friend from work. I have constant arguments with my spouse, but can’t wear proper socks if she is not around. I talk non-stop sometimes, but sit completely idle & silent when am with a group sometimes. Speak with friends sometimes as if world comes to end that day, but disappear sometimes from the face of earth according to them. I spend money without a care about tomorrow, but get extremely upset if I see something is wasted at home. I display extreme kindness to people sometimes, celebrate B’Day by spending for the kids at foster homes, but get very rude with waiters in restaurants. I am very humorous by nature and have the crowd in splits, but most times go serious in this ‘road to discovery’. I care a damn about rules and insist things happen my way always, but I don’t jump a red signal and contemplate carrying a fake gun to threaten motorists who do that.

I have many such anomalies in my behaviour. And that makes me think what am I!! Can I be defined in a pattern? Are my actions predictable? What do people make out of me at the end? Why do people pamper & indulge me? Am I what I am as a person or am I just the role I play at times that comes with some inherent powers?

Honestly I brush off these questions when they pop up. Not worth finding an answer to them according to me. If I did, I may become very conscious and screw up the very charm of what life is. Which is nothing but following the heart all the way.

Date with God

I suddenly woke up and decided to go to Sabari Mala. Been talking about doing it for long though.

So on a non-seasonal period, hopped into a flight, hired a cab, drove towards the shrine, in the thick of the night. Reached Pamba around 2.00 in the morning and started walking up the hill. It was such a wonderful experience to be doing that, even apart from enjoying the force that drove me taking this arduous climb. The night was chill, just a few people around, sounds of the small animals was making me think it was a joy trek, not withstanding the fact that climb is very very tough and I was panting and puffing very 10 minutes.

Reached at the right time at the top and had a very fulfilling darshan. And felt a sense of great relief and happiness. I have never understood about what makes a man like me do this. I have always been a bit cynical about the way people torture God with prayers, feel miserable for not making to a temple on the appointed day etc. But something drives me to take this strain every time.

The first time I went, I was cursing God almost and vowed never to go back, a decision I changed in a split-second while I was in front of Him. Almost nonchalantly I told Him ‘Seeya, we will meet again’. And kinda realized it later, that I was already contemplating in my mind about coming back.

I do it time & again, almost like an invisible hand drives me. Of course it is so. It is almost like you having a date with God and he chooses the time for you to do it. And what a date it turns about to be!!

My wife was asking me later, how was my conversation with God? It didn’t turn out to be a dialogue after all. Just stood there for a minute maximum, didn’t feel like asking anything, just thanked and walked off. But felt as if something great has been accomplished.

In my everyday life, I shamelessly drop names, pull strings and am very pushy to get what I want. Displaying and achieving power is a chase that I embark upon. If I have to do a small thing, there are at least 10 other people who should help or follow up for me, as if nothing else should matter to them. But still, there seems to be a great pleasure in submitting to power. A power like His!!

My Dream

Every now & then I pause to think what is my dream. What I want to be doing in life?

When I read about these movie stars going to exotic places like Pattaya to have story discussions, I wish I had that luxury in my life. To do something that you like at a place you like, without any compulsions of meeting a deadline!!!

Left to me, I would probably be a small time Zamindar. Live in a beautiful countryside at a distance of an hour from a metro. Should have a powerful pickup truck. Should have at least 4 dogs in varying shapes and sizes. Should have fields to tend to. Should have a collection of books, movies and music that I indulge on at any time I like. Should earn enough from agriculture to be self-sufficient to meet these needs alone. Come into the city once in a while, so as not to miss anything. Have my fill of theatres, restaurants, and friends and go back.

The issue with all dreams is that you wake up in the end!! But there is a lesson there, you need to anyway wake up if you want to realize your dream and come to think of it, mine is not very difficult to get to. :)

God & Graphics

This graphics stuff in the movies has made God more popular. Since man can do magic through software, God in It’s screen avatar is now capable of performing better feats. Or rather, there is more authenticity now on the gizmo’s He carries, than it was earlier.

I have always pondered about the fact why God goes through this inextricable web of designs to eliminate the bad guys. After all, He is supposed to be all-powerful and he should have been simply killing them by wish rather than a long drawn battle. If an argument is put forth that God was restricting Himself with the limitations of the avatar, then also I have an issue. Even within that, there was unbelievable stuff done by Him.

I don’t know why these story-weavers of Him have to do this character build up. Apparently even God needs advertisement to be believed. Whichever God it maybe, there should have been something miraculous done by them to be accepted. Now, I don’t know why we complain about Saibaba, when he materializes chains and rings to gain more credibility. Baba himself has told that these miracles are nothing but his visiting cards. And Gods then was probably forced to carry a few Themselves!!

It was Kamal Haasan who told that, the main reason of atheism growing in Tamil Nadu is the mythological movies. How very true?! In these movies, though He triumphs at the end, first He is made laughing stock by some stupid, good for nothing villains getting the better of Him for a major part of the movie. And in the end, do some really unbelievable stunts to come out winner.

Now, I am afraid that the graphics thing is going to help atheism flourish better. With TV right at your drawing room, Gods are now unleashing a barrage of arrows that does almost everything else but killing.

I only wish that we grew up faster & sooner and understand the real greatness of God and how we can realize Him ourselves without the aid of graphics. And, He is there everywhere, just everywhere.