Monday, July 02, 2007

Enlightenment

I was sitting under tattered false roofing surrounded by spit covered walls, when my enlightenment happened. Not a Bodhi tree it is. But for mere mortals like me, the fact that enlightenment happens itself is a big thing and I don’t think I am going to complain about the environment & circumstances.

The preamble was necessary because when I explain the circumstances, you are sure going to laugh. Before that let me tell you what did I realize about life that I harp so much. It is fairly simple and maybe millions have known already this. But I realized it now. “When expectations are less, the satisfaction is always more”, this is what was my enlightenment all about.

In your life, you always want a few things. Some badly, some as a fantasy, and some as a dream that can be chased! But human mind has this great vacuum. That refuses to be filled up and wanting more. Or so you think and hence set your wants also more. And invariably, end up not getting satisfied.

Sivaji, the movie is like wine and its hero. Tends to get better with age. Saw it the second time last night and realized that the movie is super. That set this thought process. I am a diehard fan of Rajni and saw the movie on the 4th day with raving reviews from fans and magazines. And I was very disappointed. Prompted to even write my own story for the actor, to justify his image and potential. Yesterday, I went again with a clear knowledge that the movie is not going to be engrossing and then again I was disappointed, rather elated. Because, it was engrossing!!

Then I realized it is all about what you want in a certain thing in your mind. Best of relationships are in trouble, because there is always some small extra thing that is expected more. Many a time, you feel that things could have been better, if only!! But there is no end to “if only”. 90 things out of 100 happen well and you are worried about the 10 things that don’t. For e.g., when there is an amazing time spent in a restaurant or a movie hall, what preoccupies the mind is a waiter who has a face that betrays constipation or a kid that runs here & there blocking your view in the hall. Not the fact that the movie or the food is great.

You have so much of leeway in your relationship that is simply a pipedream for many others, but for you it is about what is not going right. I have never been like this in my life is what I thought. But it’s only on certain things. Like shopping, where I pick up the first good things I see, rather than get choosy. Because then I say comparisons will start and also cloud judgment. But, in a few others, I never get satisfied.

In a group of young executives, there was one guy who with the help of 6 larges of rum was delirious about his performance in the previous quarter! True he was a hero. But I was an unhappy guy having been forced to preside over a dwindling business. The revenue overall is 20% lesser and here is this guy who was harping about his success. Then it all erupted suddenly. I excused myself of any misbehavior and blamed it on his ‘old monk’ comfortably forgetting that Kingfishers can also be culpable. I used the choicest of my Madurai language and left the executive crying for the rest of the night. Started feeling bad about what I have done and tried to make some amends immediately, but then it was already too late, the damage was done. When I sat yesterday to reflect upon what happened, I realized that what is good for someone is not just good enough for me, because I have an expectation that is not met yet.

If only I am willing to set my expectations reasonable, then I guess I would be happy most of the times. Not worry about how much my time is being exploited when a friend is on phone while I am with him or her, about how much of increment has been given when the market value for me is atleast 30% more & so on and simply get happy about how I have got all the best things in life.

But then how do you chase dreams, how do you define what is reasonable? Is there any yardstick in terms of deciding that? Is it that you decide to stay happy and set expectations low, or you listen to your mind about what exactly is going to make you happy and set your expectations as per that and take a risk? What about dreams? What about fantasies?

What I understood yesterday was an answer to this! It is about defining a manner in which you interpret the results. Expectations from Rajni made the movie not so good for me. When I decided to see the movie for itself and consider Rajni as just an actor, the movie was good for me.

You may still have all your dreams and goals. It is just about on what % of that you are going to feel satisfied or at what milestone of that you are going to feel satisfied. You may then probably stay happy or maybe if you don’t, you just know that you could have planned better.

Any which way, I guess it pays to have low expectations. Unless someone shoves a gun down my throat and force me to expect more. Or simply go and meet all expectations that you set for things that you can do and keep expectations low in things that involve others also.

Maybe I should see Sivaji once more to get more enlightened! Huh, at last, I have justified what I was about to do. See the movie again!

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