Limping Business

By this time, all of you with your neighbors and their dogs know about the famous surgery that I had a month back. Post surgery period has been a pain. Some serious pain!

Because when you walk around with the braces the story goes beyond traditional audience. Everyone who recognizes you as a human form asks you what happened. I dutifully narrate the story and the second part of the story gets more reception and audience. Because that involves titanium screws! I have by now narrated the story to a million people and the auto drivers in the stand near my office are now equipped enough to conduct their own surgery in case the auto meets with an accident. I remember seeing a slogan in one such rickshaw that ‘free surgery, if they crash the auto’.

Just think of this sequence of narration.

• In 1990, I fell down from a bike in the thick of the night because I believed that I was an owl or a bat and in reality I happened to be a human being.
• There is no fracture but just a swelling because fracture makes the knee looks like a Halloween pumpkin in the next nanosecond.
• I was not aware that it is a ligament tear because I was also one of those ignorant folks who thought muscle & bone are one and the same.
• I proceeded to start playing when the swelling came down because I always wanted to be on the field and cricket happens to be my passion for which I will sell my estate with all the loans.
• And I managed to fracture the leg because, I simply was bored having two proper legs.
• And I repeated the feat 2 years later because boredom can hit anytime.
• I believed that the ligament tear repairs itself because any damn thing in the body is supposed to do that.
• And people warned me about not opening the knee, because the people I talk about are medical representatives who go through 3 week training and believe that they are better than doctors.
• I lived with this problem surfacing every now and then , but I thought I was still a hero because no one seemed to think of me so.
• Then one day I had this mega fall that resulted in tearing all the ligaments in the knee along with the neighbors’.
• I decided to go for the surgery because now arthroscopy is not half as bad as open knee surgery and the orthopaedician needed a living.
• They graft and reconstruct, but leave a couple of screws because the doctor is in a hurry for a date with this paramour.
• And I have to take rest for 6 weeks in all because I hate going to office.
• But I am also one restless character who tried to escape my mother’s womb in 6 months, so I am back in office earlier than scheduled.
• Yes it pains like hell because my knee forgot how to bend and I am supposed to keep altering the posture frequently because otherwise you will start thinking why can’t I be regular to office.
• No, there is no issue going closer to large magnets because of those screws.
• Yes I would make a spectacle of myself in the airport security with the metal detector but then they are smart these days and despite the beep they know I can’t bomb as well as I fart.
• Should all be well in another 3 weeks and I hope so, because it is so damn tough acting like a cripple for more than 6 weeks.

Ok this is what I tell to a million people everyday. And that’s what has prompted me to do something. I am sick and tired of this narration and I have decided to make a documentary movie about this whole episode depicting real life incidents. This movie is going to be played continuously wherever I am, or maybe I will decide to have more prints than a Rajni movie so that I can distribute effectively and quell all the doubts in a single day and continue my attempt to walk like a normal human being.

The only saving grace is that the guys in the team seem to work harder and smarter when I am not around to advice. But my boss threatens to break the other knee as business is limping when I stopped.