Thursday, November 16, 2006

Trip to ICU

Now, it is not great fun being in an ICU and sometimes could be terrifying. I can imagine a few loving folks chasing me with whatever they could lay their hands on, as they sat outside worried, praying and wishing me well.

But I am tempted to talk about it nonetheless.

Now, firstly, I don’t understand how they decide at the hospital that one should be admitted into the ICU. My best guess, as the reason is ‘Mediclaim’. If you are insured and if it is for a healthy amount (ironical, healthy amount), then you get into an ICU. Otherwise, maybe just a room, or a ward. I don’t think at my age, it was purely medical reasons only. Well, anyway, I managed to get into in.

Secondly, I can’t just understand, why they strip you completely as if you are taken into Gitmo, Cuba. Stand-alone, if a female asks you to strip completely, you should be delighted and jump at it. Not at an ICU though. You are sick, mind you and you are not allowed to jump. And then they depute a matron who will probably retire or drop dead the next day, to make that all-important statement. My guess on this is that, they don’t want you to escape.

Third, I climbed up the stairs in the hospital to see the cardio, but an hour later they want to put a nasal catheter for breathing. I was afraid that it would block my breathing more. Politely informed my interest in continuing to live and declined that honour.

And then all these Heart Meters and latest high – tech equipments attached to you and if you really were sick, you can see the Pearly Gates at the sight of these machines. It is just like the movies, a blue colour LED display running and to my great disappointment, I was not being chased to be murdered or so. I plainly sat waiting for the food, which apparently is the real murderer employed. Maybe that’s a psychological ploy. Patients for want of better food, will themselves to get better and walk out. Who knows?

And then your bedfellows!!! One was a very old lady who kept to herself most of the time. The other guy next to me looked like as if he was staying there permanently. He knew all the attendants by name in all the shifts. One poor patient’s helper disappeared for the whole day. And there was this other guy who had be fed through a funnel. They all were really sick I guess. Me, I was sitting, watching, waiting for some excitement. Nothing happened. It was status quo.

One solace is when they take ECG, applying cold gel can turn you on, provided it is a drop-dead nurse and not a dropping dead one.

Otherwise it is pretty boring. But by the time, I decided that I will spend my time usefully flirting with one of the good-looking nurses, they let me out :(



1 comment:

Unknown said...

Hey Tssir,

This one is the best i think... though i wonder if the nurse was really as bad as you described , or are you just a "suave liars"? :))